Monday, May 28, 2007

Oh my goodness look what I found ...

Monday, May 28th, 2007, 4:52 pm

I got an email from and I thought it sounded familiar, so I followed the link and apparently I had an account, so I signed in, and look at what I found!! This page is five years old!!

Sunday, May 27, 2007

Whiplash, kicking in

Sunday, May 27th, 2007, 10:50 pm

They said in the ER that I should expect whiplash issues to come along because of the way I fell. I'm going into week three with no narcotic pain killers, and apparently, the system is flushed and now the neck pain is settling in, in a BIG way. I just got home from church and took a valium and vicotin, and I hope it works. I had whiplash 13 years ago, and it went ignored for months cause I didn't know I had it. It ended up messing up the nerves in my arm to where I couldn't lift it. So this week I am going to do some checking with my insurance to see what kind of therapies I can get with my coverage. I also go Tuesday for my sleep study consult. P&PT appreciated!!

Sunday, May 20, 2007

My profile

Sunday, May 20th, 2007, 10:57 pm

I'll eventually add to this post...Shout out for my favorite boards!
Creating Websites and Graphics
Christian Family Life
TV Lovers

In a nutshell:
I'm a 31 yo FT WOTHM to Jackson (1/99) & Hannah (12/01). I've been married to Jay since 7/98, (though we've been together since 2/95.) I work in childcare, and am currently working on as Associate's Degree in Early Childhood Education. In my spare time I love to make digital graphics using PSP8, plus AS3. Jay and I become Christians in May '97, and we are very involved in our church.
Interests & Activities:
I love playing in Paint Shop Pro, creating digital scraps and signatures. Be sure to come by Creating Websites and Graphics and request a siggie there. Practice makes perfect ya know! I also love to cook and have been reading up on various ways to cook (and ultimately eat) healthy (aka "clean eating"). I'm interested in losing a lot of weight ;o) I'm becoming more and more interested in Vegetarianism, and have been hanging out on the Vegetarian Cooking board lately.Causes & Charities I care about:
My children's private Christian school is considered a "charity"; and I care very much about our school and do whatever I can to support it. Outside of missions, our school is my charitable burden. Best advice I have ever gotten:
"Let Go, let God" "Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." -- Proverbs 3:5-6 My Hopes & Dreams:
Seeing both of my children living their lives dedicated to serving our Lord Jesus Christ. While only God can actually "accomplish" that, make it happen, as their mother it's my responsibility to live it in front of them. So I'll just keep drawing nearer to him and stay out of His way ;o) Best day of my life (so far!) The day I accepted Jesus Christ into my heart as my Lord and Savior.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

BOTH kids are sick, update on me ...

Wednesday, May 16th, 2007, 11:41 pm

Boy am I ever exhausted!! I'm sleeping so well now. being back at work makes me feel like I was idle here at home. Does that make sense? I got to spend time with my 2 yo buddies today. Out of the 8 classes we have, the two, two year old classes has made the biggest deal about my being back. I took some pics today on my phone that would just crack you UP!!! I got sent down to work with the school-agers this afternoon when it come time for them to get there. "C" just started with this group, having been working with the four yo's for a few months (she started after me). The regular teacher was out today. I did not walk away with a lasting impression of that group as a whole, and I got the distinct impression "C" had the same as I.

She was so frustrated that she had doubts whether she could make it through the summer with that group. Then it hit me as we were giving them snack.... with the younger ones, we're heroes. They do not know better to have formed "real" bad habits yet. They 'live' to do nice things for us. (I have a whole stack of scribble "pictures" that have been drawn for me, lol) .

.... but when you work with these kids ... you are reduced to a mere servant. The rudeness, the disobedience, the eye rolling (from some...), it's just crazy!! I explained to "C" that it was particularly hard for me because here I've spent the past seven years teaching my kids to respect their teachers / elders, etc .. and have good manners and be kind. I just HOPE they do not fall of the wagon and end up like a lot of these kids act! Don't get me wrong, God love them all and if he called me to work with this group I would, but I thank him he hasn't, lol Is that bad? Don't get me wrong, there are a FEW sweet ones ... out of the 25 on roll.

Speaking of 25,(26) my heart is going to break in a few weeks. We do our promotions at church in June so I am working on my admin type stuff for my class, getting updated info, etc ... so far, the best I can tell, I'll have 14 leaving, and 12 staying. I don't know who is moving up from the twos but I am losing over HALF of my roll!!! I remember my first promotion day. I had put my heart and soul into bonding with that class, and it never occurred to me that whole year they'd be leaving one day. I cried for a week, I was a pitiful site. It gets easier, though. It was all worth it two years later when one of the kid's dad stood up in Wednesday night service and announced his dd had gotten saved. That was the first one out of my first class to get saved. and the Lord allowed me to plant those seeds in her heart. THAT still makes me weepy!! It's just so hard to believe it has already been a YEAR and I'm getting a new group to start all over with. Wow.

So MY kids ...

Jackson come home Monday with fever, and vomiting. Jay stayed home with him yesterday, and his fever broke Tuesday night. Jay planned to stay home with him today (school policy is 24 hrs no fever AND no medicine) .... Well, Hannah wake sup with PINK EYE. Lets not forget, she had strep last week (my own dx). So Jay takes them both to the dr today ... they both have infection in their throats, but it's not strep. Hannah indeed has pink eye. Lets remember, we have no health insurance right now on the kids. Jay shelled out $150 today just in 'down pymts' to the dr visit and meds!! They said they'd bill us for the balance. Mom said she would watch them tomorrow. They should be ok to go back on Friday. Jackson's still complaining about his throat hurting. No fever though, PTL He felt SOOOO bad.

On to me ... again ....

I'm so tired. Have I mentioned how tuckered I am?I can barely keep my eyes open and I have two more boards to look at so I'm going to square this one up .... have a great day Thursday, please pray Hannah will let us give her her eyedrops without a fuss!!

Memories of Birthdays

Wednesday, May 16th, 2007, 12:41 am

This week on Connect Carnival, we were challenged to think about birthdays- our own special birthdays or other ones. A few popped into my mind, and I could not choose just one, so you get to hear about three significant birthday memories, have fun!!

The first one I think of is the ONLY thing I have ever pulled over on my husband. It was his ... however old he was birthday party, about six years ago.

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Jay and I had been together a few years. I love birthdays. Birthdays are my "thing", I do not believe that birthday's should ever be overlooked. So, for a couple of years I tried to surprise Jay for his birthday doing this or that, and he always figured it out ahead of time. It would have been the birthday of 1999. Jackson was just a baby then (born 1-2-99). I knew of one person Jay called 'friend", we're both selective in a way about who we call friends vs acquaintances, if that makes sense. It was a guy that was a groomsman in our wedding, and I overheard Jay mention him working at a retail store in town. So I set out for "THE Party". I went and asked his friend to help, because I had heard of two other friends they all used to hang out together, so the groomsman friend agreed to get their end of the party together.
It wasn't a "party party" (that was two years before that), but I arranged for the WHOLE family to be there (like, MY whole family, lotta people), plus his friends. but here's where it got sticky.

I had made the reservation at Sagebrush for the party. I had a custom coca cola cake made for him (had the emblem sprayed on it with the exact font/text, etc ..) ... Jay is a HUGE Coke fan/collector. All the plans were made. It was going to happen. Planned far in advance, I was doing GOOOD. Until we learned we needed to move. When did we move? The day/night before the party. Guess what else happened? I got sick. Like, FEVER sick. Deathly sick- I don't handle fevers well AT ALL. MIL kept insisting that I needed to cancel, but I had NO way of calling his friends, because I always met the one at his pt job to chat about the details! It HAD to happen, whether I was running a 103 fever or NOT!

So I had mom and dad come get Jackson, saying they were in the area and thought they'd give us a small break to have a chance to breathe. Then I mentioned getting something to eat (fevers make me delusional, like I cold eat then ...)

It was crunch time. Now or never. He was so happy to have some downtime he didn't hesitate to question why my parents were in the area, LOL! We ad moved 20 minutes above the city out in "the country". So I pull myself together, and we head out. He asks where would I want to go. I say "Why don;t we go to Sagebrush?- I've never been there ..." (I hadn't, besides planning the party lol) ... he said okay and off we went.

I don't know if it was the moving the day/night beforehand, but boy oh boy would I love to have a picture of the look on his face when he saw everyone there ... plus his friends. He was so surprised, so elated, and had such a good time. I was so happy it worked out well. "The" friend was only able to get in touch with one of their but the one that come, Jay was closer to and had not seen in YEARS.

Little did we know ... that was the last time Jay saw him because six months later he died ... of cancer. Tat is a birthday that will ever remain in my mind, because for one, Jay didn't figure ot out, but two, it showed just how fleeting life really is. *

--------------------------------------------- ------ The second one, was my 21st birthday.
Nothing outstandingly "special" except it was my only birthday party that BOTH sides, mom and dad's side, attended. It was really nice. Like true redneck style we had cases on cases of beer, I think we had a game of something going on ... and we roasted a deer shoulder on a sphit in the yard LOL!! But WOW was it good!! I was drunk for most of the afternoon, into the evening. The cookout was at lunchtime, and was over by 6.

So we chilled out a little bit, Jay took me to dinner (Rock-ola) where I got to order my first "Sex on the Beach" legally, lol Then after dinner we done the traditional "go-into-the-convenience-store-so-you-can-get -carded" trip ... and the guy didn't card me!!!

A little bit of history here. Jay and I met at work ... at a convenience store. he was my "new boss" that got transferred to the store I was at. We then helped my uncle start his own store, and it had not been too long before my birthday that Jay had got hit with the alcohol people (another post for another day) and had to do community service. So I knew all about the "consequences of not carding".

Needless to say, I gave the guy a (howbeit cute) lecture on how he should be glad it was the day it was or .... (blah blah blah), and made him card me in keeping with "tradition", LOL!!!

As Forest would say "That's all I'm gonna talk about right now" (or something like that, right?)

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The third one, was my 15th birthday (sorry, earlier it said 14, it was 15).
My parents never really instigated a social life for me. I never had birthday parties as a kid, aside from the 7th grade dinner we had ... at Rock-Ola (LOL) with three or four friends. Then at the ripe ol age of 14, my parents done the .... unbelievable for a 14 year old girl, but, they allowed me to have my first "real boyfriend", real as in, he had a car and drove it places-real, a whole two years older than me. ::deep dreamy sigh::: ;O) We had started dating in March, and my birthday is July 30th. It was your average day, I had antipcipated a GREAT night out with my honey and nothing else mattered. We decided to go to an early movie ... so we went to see Point Break. (Whatever happened to Patrick Swayze??)

Completely oblivious to everything else around me, we finished with the movie and was headed back to my house to hang out. We pull down the road I lived on, and all sorts of cars were at my house. They had planned a surprise party and he was apparently in on it! Had a bunch of friends there, it was just great. I actually still have a picture somewhere of a group of us at the party.

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So you see my theme with memories of birthdays, surprises and loved ones, basically. But I love surprises. I love giving them and getting them. I guess the reason these birthdays all popped into my mind at once, was because they were all shared with the people I cared about most; and to know someone cares enough about you to put forth the effort to surprise you in honor of the day you were born (even though as teenagers it was "party time!!", lol); but in Jay's case, to actually get something by him ... *snicker* hehehe ... it will be a long time before that happens again ... maybe.

Or maybe not?

First Day Back To Work (yesterday!)

Wednesday, May 16th, 2007, 12:32 am

Thanks for the prayers everyone. I had a massive headache last night. Fell asleep by 9:30, slept the whole night. That felt SO good. My hours have changed and I'm now 8-5, BIG blessing! IT's taking some adjustments and I'm still having to be careful, and I'm dog tired, but other than that ... glad to be back! :)

Monday, May 14, 2007

Returning to Work Monday

Monday, May 14th, 2007, 3:50 am

Not quite sure what to think, I taught my class at church for one hour and my nose was hurting by the time we left church- for all the talking I was doing :( How in the world am I going to last 8 hours? :-O

I done some grocery shopping this evening, met the family (Jay, the kids, BIL&SIL, and MIL) at O'Charleys for dinner. After I got home around 9-10pm I started workingin the kitchen unpacking everything, etc. I noticed the comedy hour from CMT wa son (which was odd, cause, I don;t watch CMT!) and I thought I was going to DIE laughing, this guy had me snorting and in tears he was so hilarious. Of course, he was speaking from a Southern point of view, so, others may not appreciate the type of humor it is, but ... oh man how I wish I could find a video on it ;o)

So I sat sorting through all my bulk items I got (seeds, nuts, so forth) getting them into containers ... while we watched the Giant show or whatever with Jeff Foxworthy. I LOVE Jeff Foxworthy! This one had Kenny Rogers guest starring, and they sang Islands in the Stream, with Jeff doing Dolly's part (youtube) ;o) TOO funny ... so by then I am working on the kid's snacks and stuff for tomorrow.

I made (homemade)

Trail Mix Granola seed bars
started almond milk
my salad for lunch tomorrow
got the kid's apples/celery sliced for their snacks tomorrow
But the thing was, when I was making the seed bars ... first. I overheated the honey in the microwave. and accidentally SPILLED IT ON MY HAND. I guess I'm just pitiful!! Jay come in asking what was wrong, bagged me some ice, it hurt for three hours afterwards. I don't recommend breaking your nose, OR spilling hot honey on your hand!

I'm so tired, time to go to bed. Mother's day was ok, we ended up at IHOP after church for lunch.

Have a great day and I'll go ahead and say I appreciate all the P&PT you can give!!

Sunday, May 13, 2007

What was BAD, just become GOOD *g*

Sunday, May 13th, 2007, 1:04 am

Okay, so lately, Hannah has been a REAL pill. Not all the time, but she WHINES. and she acts like the whole world should revolve around her at times. Well with recent events, this has rolled ALL over me.

When Spiderman 2 come out, we went to the midnight premiere, and took Jackson. This was his first movie. he had a BALL, and stayed awake the whole time. Well, when they announced "S3- May 2007", he started counting down the days and months (me too). Fast forward to last week, I mention to Jay last Friday about getting a babysitter for Hannah so we could go to the midnight screening. Then he informed me we were a day late, he didn't give thought to going to the midnight premiere this time. Chalk it up to miscommunication? As much as it had been talked about, I thought it "went without saying".

So yesterday, I made arrangements for Hannah to sleep over at my parents so we could go see the movie. We were going to the 8:30 showing, It was around 4pm. I knew I would need to take at least a short nap to really enjoy the movie. So I done as usual, told the kids not to argue, set the alarms (house and phone to wake up), told Hannah Jackson was in charge, place nice. Not 30 minutes into my nap Hannah comes in my room all but demanding I fix her a bowl of oatmeal. In my sleep, I tell her wait until I get up and I will ... but GO, you're disobeying me (by coming in the room and not bleeding, having a broken bone, the house being on fire or a weird message coming over the computer Jackson cannot fix (lol) ) ... well the whining started. Flopped down on the floor, got that "tone" in her voice. I sit up in bed, look at her, and tell her to leave my room, not to speak, not to whine when she gets out of my room, and I will fix it for her when I get up which wold had been shortly.

She would not take no for an answer. I unglued (started yelling). I don't unglue often. It takes a lot nowadays for me to get unglued. But I not only become unglued, I was outraged. I have had ENOUGH of her behavior! Her period of grace with me is OVER!!! Done!! It's no longer allowed to be a little "phase of passage" that most 5 year olds go through, I am NOT going to tolerate it anymore!

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total sidetrack / vent:

I have been patient, I have talked with her about her behavior, what she is doing exactly, WHY it is not good, How bad it makes her look to others and God, How bad it makes everyone else around here feel, and how she will get no where acting like that. I have purposely not fed her because of fits she has pitched over wanting certain foods that I've said no to at a certain time. She CHOSE not to eat, so that was fine. Eventually she'll make the connection! I have shared with her appropriate ways to ask for something, why it is best to accept the answer you are given and be patient, and you will be blessed ... and the times she has, I have DOUBLY praised her, given extra treats ... explained how I was right (lol) ...

Jackson, is winning, for him, in his lesson of longsuffering with his sister ... if that boy was not saved and did not have the restraint of the holy spirit on his life he would have already beaten her down a time or two before I could have possibly stopped it. Seriously! Do not underestimate the wrath of a spirited red headed boy. It's not a myth, they're different! Thank the LORD he is saved now!!

Anyway, her fit turned into a spanking for her, and time in her room to calm down. I am not raising my kids to, when sent to their room, to sit in there yelling and wailing over what they're wanting, be it this, that, or the other. With Jackson I learned that was his passive aggressive way of trying to make me miserable and getting in the 'last word', because if he yelled long enough, cried long enough, screamed long enough, threw things in his room around long enough, he could possibly get his way. Unfortunately for Hannah, having as such a hell-child as her brother was at that age, my tolerance for that is zilch, and I, with her, know better (LOL!!)

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So onto the blessings. I informed her that she was supposed to be going to maw maw & paw paws for a sleepover, but because she decided to act like a yahoo, she would not be going. I do not share our plans with our kids ahead of time. There have been too many times in their little lives that they could have been so disappointed in failed plans ... we just do not say it is going to happen until we're in the car and on the way, pretty much. So Jackson, through all of this, was oblivious to the fact that because of Hannah, he was not going to get to see Spiderman 3. see? it works, seriously ;)

But *I* knew we were not going to get to see the movie. I had enough disappointment for both of us. Jay had invited friends to go with us. I hated it, but Hannah was not going to achieve her purpose ... her misbehavior is getting her into possible situations where by her not listening to me, she is going to get hurt soon. Just like when Jackson was five and was running across a parking lot and about run into the MAIN ROAD- almost killed him self not listening to me behind him screaming to STOP RUNNING!!! By only God's grace is that child alive today.

I wonder how many freak accidents has happened with kids getting hurt, that could have been avoided, if the child would have only obeyed instantly, like they were being taught. I remember reading an article, about a father seeing a big poisonous spider crawling up his daughter's shoulderblade towards her neck. He said- "DON'T move a MUSCLE", and she froze instantly, did not even ask why. He was able to get the spider off of her before she realized what was even happening. can you imagine if she mouthed off to her dad "well why, why why?" as she kept walking around, possibly towards him, and decided to smack at her neck thinking a mosquito or something was flying around her, she could have gotten bit and died before they could get out of the woods to the nearest hospital!! That story will never leave my mind as long as I live.

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Oh, I'm sorry, I digressed again.

So we missed Spiderman 3 last night. GREAT Bummer.
So the computer was rebooted and whenever it boots, AIM automatically starts, launching IE to their homepage (so all I gotta do is click on MY homepage button to get to my own business... But I saw a blurb on there about seeing S3 in IMAX. Hmm ... IMAX. That sounded familiar. So I clicked in, and checked for IMAX viewings to see if it was what I was thinking about ... but it showed our regular theaters, the one we were going to see last night anyway. What was the big deal in my mind seeing IMAX? kwim?

OH! I remember. At the beginning of the school year Jackson's class went to this Discovery Museum / Place for Kids (in Charlotte), and they were supposed to see this nature movie in their IMAX theater. Oh but my friends. We didn't get to see the movie because we were late. But me, being nosy, stepped into the theater room to see why we traveled two hours ... to see a nature movie? Oh WOOOOOOWWWWW. It was nothing like I had seen before.

The screen is THREE STORIES HIGH, and 80 FEET WIDE, (needless to say "deep stadium seating"?). The screen is a DOME that extends around your peripheral field is view. It is TEN TIMES bigger than traditional theaters. You actually are reclined back in your seat to a degree to experience the entire screen. It literally sticks you IN the movie.

So are you getting why I am telling you this?

Spiderman 3 is being shown at their theater!!!!

YES the ticket prices are higher than your average theater, but doggone it! We are SO there!!! I gave up going to the banquet tonight (discouraged,really) ... I will not go out to eat tomorrow if we need to, but we are going next weekend to see this movie!!! I can only imagine the look on Jackson's face when he realizes what we will be doing. Im SOOOO excited!! God turned that horrible experience last night into a HUGE blessing, I would have never clicked through trying to figure out the difference with the IMAX thing if I had not missed seeing it last night!!

Woo-Hooooooo!!!! *g*

Friday, May 11, 2007

Had to go back to the dr ...

Friday, May 11th, 2007, 1:31 am

I was putting moisturizer on this morning, and when got to my nose I heard a snap'ish, crackle'ish, and pop-but-more-like-a-thump. I thought, "uh oh", but it's not like it really HURT. I felt it, and I audibly heard it, but it did not HURT.

But as the day progressed, it felt more and more uncomfortable. I got worried cause I'm going back to work on Monday. I need to. So I called the ENT this afternoon and they had me come in right then.

I'm going to back up a little, when I was getting my pre-op paperwork done for my surgery, some fine print popped out at me saying "Patient understands that the surgery might not achieved the desired outcome".. I asked "huh?" and they said "legality", and I said "oh". Let me refer back to my last update:

But they said for a broken nose, it takes around nine months to a year for it to completely heal. This means, I will be having to go back periodically for the next year to ensure that the bones are settling correctly, no infection, etc. What UNsettled me was, she said in some cases, they have to do additional surgery!! :-O Oh my word! She said of course it would be if the way it was healing was interfering with my breathing.

That was last Friday. So he looks at my nose, feeling where the bones broke. Then checked inside. My bones are still "healing nicely", but my septum is definitely still "scooted" ... Lets translate: OUT OF PLACE ... "Deviated"!!!!

I was telling mom this morning my nose was crooked!!!! He (the dr) said he'd seen worse, but he'd seen better. But for the severity of the break as a whole, he was impressed with how well the bones were healing all things considered.

He asked how I was sleeping, and I said crappy. He went ahead and scheduled the consult for the sleep study for the 29th, and they would schedule the actual study then. He's concerned about sleep apnea.

At surgery time, they had asked about ringing in my ears. So I have been paying attention, and yes, there's ringing. So they done a hearing test while I was there today. It's funny. I've always thought I was hard of hearing. Jay's even said. he says I never listen to him. he can be sitting three feet away and I can be oblivious to what he's saying ... I honestly felt I did not hear him!!

So here's the thing. I have, almost PERFECT hearing, LMBO!! He said out of a hundred people, I would be in the top five percent. But this is what is happening, he said I hear so well, that living in the city, constant background noises around, etc .. my brain will tend to overload on sound, and for example will "say" "I'm going to tune out 20% of all sounds around me", so no matter what is going on around, because of the hypersensitivity, I don't hear it. He said that it's common for people who have hypersensitive hearing (there's another term he used..) to be labeled as ADD ... iinntteerreessttiinnggg!!!!

So Jay, I'm sorry dear, I really have been ignoring you, but it's not my fault ;)

I'm very bothered by this news that the surgery did not go as I was understanding it would. I understood that I would have a straight nose when this all come out. I can understand that people who do not look at my face every time that they go to the bathroom, put on their make up, check out their outfits, look in the rearview mirror of their car, so forth, so on ... cannot see, that my nose is NOT the same as it was before I accidentally went bopping for gravel (Thanks D, for that term ;)

But the fact remains, *I* know it's not right, and *I AM* the one who sees my face every time that I go to the bathroom, put on my make up, check out my outfits, look in the rearview mirror of my car, so forth, so on .... every time I look in the mirror I SEE that gravel driveway coming at my face knowing there's not going to be anything I could do in that split second to prevent myself from being hurt!! I am reminded multiple times daily of what has happened these last few weeks. The pain ... the pain ... and right now I am starting to be reminded DAILY of the consequences of being out of work for two weeks with NO PAY!!!

I am also reminded, though praise God I can and do not want to seem ungrateful, but I also realize that my insurance is NOT going to pay to correct this BECAUSE it is NOT interfering with my ability to breathe!! Yes, I would rather have a crooked nose than an inability to breathe correctly, but why should I have to choose?

Therefore, in the next nine to twelve months after they deem my bones "healed", my nose will become a matter of plastic surgery. Cosmetic. Jennifer Aniston, send me some money, please? Cause I added it up today, and we will not have that kind of money to toss around unless something GREATLY changes in the next 6-13 years because we have children to put through school. and I do know, that is more important than a crooked nose. I know that people will still love me despite, but it's despite, because they cannot see, or perhaps just don't know the difference?

Proof in point- I call Jackson over to me at mom and dad's today and say frankly, "Jackson, does my nose look straight?" He looks with this discerning look on his ace for a few seconds, cocks his head to the side, and says ... "NO"- and runs off to play.

The honesty of a child.


Thursday, May 10, 2007

My morning, how was yours?

Thursday, May 10th, 2007, 7:45 am


"I can do it myself- thank you very much..." (tyvm)

"when I didn't think he was coming back I missed him, (Daddy), but now that he's coming back, I don't miss him. Do you know what I mean?" (kwim?)

She'll be texting in no time ;)


"Hannah, that was called sarcasm" ....

Tuesday, May 8, 2007

Happy? Birthday ^Baby^

Tuesday, May 8th, 2007, 5:08 pm

I was up until 6am this morning. I was here on the board reading and responding to a thread until 4:30am, when I realized "crap, it's 4:30". So I tried to go to sleep, and was sooooo restless. I took some benedryl, and knocked out. Jay woke me up this morning to communicate his morning plans because he left today to work out of town. In the middle of it all the school called and Hannah was with fever and throwing up. He went and got her. He shared the suprise he found when going to rent a car for his trp, that our car insurance was cancelled. He had to fix that this morning. Bless his heart.

So I wake up as he leaves for his trip, I dunno, 1 or so. I get up and come to the board to finish reading the thread I was reading cause last night I was enjoying it. Two hours ago, my mood started to change. As I started writing out a reply I never thought I would be writing, my neurotic tendancy to look at details, as I mentioned my CL anniversery ... I went to be sure I remembered the exact day. I know it's May, but I have a lot of May events happening and fr anyone who knows me, knows most of the time I remember nothing.

Okay, so my anniversery is the 21st ... I look at the date (cause with my being out of work, the date has to be sought) ... it's the 8th.

If cancer had not taken ^Temone's^ life, he would have turned 13 years old today. and Hannah's home. She's not suposed to be here yet. I'm a wreck. She cannot see me cry, because if she does, she'll want to talk about it. I don't have the energy to talk about it. I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest ... again.

Not to mention, we just found out last week that Tiffany, MIL's dog, Temone "wife" if you will (they did have 5 puppies together ;), her cancer has come back. But she has lymphoma, treatable with chemo, so they're starting her treatments again. Since the last bout she goes in every month for a checkup. It still doesn't make things easier.

Humans are so much easier to grieve for :.....o(

So Happy Birthday ^Moni^, and thank God for grandpuppies ... that stay in the family.

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Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Friday, May 4, 2007

When a door is closed, a window is opened!

Friday, May 4th, 2007, 6:46 pm

Yesterday I asked for prayer for one of Jay's friends from my prayer warriors on Christian Family Life. Well, I didn't get the anwer I was initially wanting, BUT, God is better to me (and us!) than I can think of.


I'm linking to the posts so you will know what all is going on and I won't have to copy and paste, but you will need to go read them before going on with this post to appreciate "everything".


Today, in a nutshell, "C" come back by work today and took all of "the guys", their "gang" out to lunch. When he got ready to leave, he asked Jay for "a couple bucks". Jay didn't have cash on him so "J" (Jay's best friend) handed it to him. "C" then gave Jay a big envelope. (I'm ready to cry again, this is why it took me 2 hours to post the last post!) ... the envelope contained a bill of sale to the car he's been letting Jay drive ... and the title, and the insurance information. He sold the car to Jay for two dollars. The loan value on this car is $3k!!! God is soooo good to us, we are so undeserving!! I told Jay this morning before he left that God was gonna take care of us with my being out of work for so long. God wants us to look to him for our needs, if we'd just quit trying to run our own lives and let him take the wheel! PTL!!

Update on his friend job wise- it looks like he's got that other job, they're just working out the details *g*

Nose update (5/4)

Friday, May 4th, 2007, 6:03 pm

So went with my followup with the ENT this morning. I am out of work for another week! :-O I thought it was crazy! But they said for a broken nose, it takes around nine months to a year for it to completely heal. This means, I will be having to go back periodically for the next year to ensure that the bones are settling correctly, no infection, etc. What UNsettled me was, she said in some cases, they have to do additional surgery!! :-O Oh my word! She said of course it would be if the way it was healing was interfering with my breathing. Lets pray I won't have to do that again. I'd rather get pregnant and do another c/s before I have surgery on my nose again.

But conclusion is, it's healing, however slowly ... it IS healing. For that I'm thankful. Even though we don't physically see the swelling outwardly, inside there's still a lot of swelling ... oh and I have to keep snorting Afrin every few hours (uhg). What else. Oh I will be finishing my oxy codone Rx this weekend according to the number I have left, so that will lead me to the eventual weaning off the narcotics by the time I get back to work. The plan will be run out of oxy codone, go down to vicotin, and eventually work myself down to ibuprofen. I actually giggle at the thought of ibuprofen helping with this pain I have right now ....

She did explain it well. She said that you can basically say, I've had two injuries in two weeks. The initial break, injury one. Then the reset was an injury in that they actually went in, and moved my bones around. FTR, it felt like they moved my bones around, too. So my nose has been "interrupted" twice ;o) It just amazes me, cause when Jackson broke his arm, there weren't near as many concerns when they set the bones back together. But I guess dealing with the face it's completely different because there are SO many areas that can be affected around the nose verses any other bone.

My next appointment is May 30th and I have "homework" for that appointment. They want Jay to watch me sleep, and look at how much I actually snore, the sound of the snore, if it appears I stop breathing for any amount of time, how much I jerk in my sleep (I know I do, at times I feel like I'm coming off the bed), how long I sleep and how quickly I become tired again .. you know, that kind of stuff. Then at the next appointment he will look at what we've recorded, do his examination, and possibly refer me for a sleep study. They said it could be possible that my septum was deviated before the break and has contributed to my lack of quality of sleep. So since they've corrected the deviation, it's possible I might be sleeping better than I was before the break- that is, after the swelling goes down more.

I felt so bad calling my boss this afternoon. I know it's put them in a bind staff wise but what am I supposed to do? Worker's Comp is not going to pay out anything if my recovery is hindered because of going back to work too soon. They said NO bending my head over, at all. They said if I worked in an office on a computer all day, it would be fine. But I work with people that are two feet tall. Just a few weeks ago my boss and I were discussing the amount of migraines I have had since I started working. The angle I keep my head at most of the time has GOT to have a LOT to do with it, holding my head down at an angle, putting tension in my neck, which puts tension in the nerves going up to my head, which triggers pain signals in my brain, thus causing headaches. That's my theory, anyway. Oh but lets not forget about the teeth grinding theory, along with the TMJ we know I have thanks to Dr Cedric from the ER.

Such is my life. I've been working on this post for almost 2 hours now, and I got some GREAT news in the process! So I shall make another post for that *g*

Tuesday, May 1, 2007

Nose update (5/1)

Tuesday, May 1st, 2007, 7:04 pm

This has been a rough weekend / past few days.
Pain: My pain level is higher now than it was a week ago. I found it very interesting. I go to the ER with a broken nose and they send me home with a Rx for Vicotin. Which I'm not complaining, that's goof stuff for pain. So I go in for surgery a week later to reset the bones, and they send me home with a Rx for Oxycodone (Percoset) ... which for those who aren't familiar with this drug family, is about two times stronger than Vicotin. That tells me they were expecting the pain to be worse!! and guess what? It IS!

I have been afraid of developing a resistence to these meds so Sunday night I took a Vicotin instead of a Percoset. At the hospital when going over my pain mgmt plan they emphasized staying ahead of the pain, not catching up with the pain. Well, I realized yesterday my pain was not getting better, because taking that Vicotin appparently got me behind the pain, cause I was hurting ... allll day yesterday.

Sleeping. Ever since this happened I have been sleeping in Jay's recliner to keep my head elevated, so I could breathe better. One night last week I slept in the bed for a few hours and I was hurting there afterwards. Last night Jay and I were watching a movie in bed and fell asleep. I slept all night in bed, and when I woke this morning- OUCH!! I got back in the recliner and slept most of the day today with a buncha meds. I'm thinking, that when I sleep in bed, it allows me to just wholler around, digging my face in my pillow, etc .. and I really think sleeping on one side of my face puts more pressure on the given side and adds to the pain.

They've suggested that when this is over, that I ask my family Dr about going for a sleep study. When this first began they asked about whether I snored or not, to which, yes, I've been told I snore. I'm guessing f if I didn't snore and started to after the break, that it would give them clues to what was going on with my nasal passages? When I described my normal sleeping habits, things Jay have said, how I always feel fatigued no matter how much I sleep at night. So that's the next thing on the agenda. Well, along with persuing treatment for the TMJ. I am almost excited about the TMJ news. To think that there might be a way to get rid of my migraines?! I say Hallelujah!!

Overall, besides the pain and sleeping issues, I've been exhausted, but very restless. Not restless to the point I'm up to doing anything, I've been most productive online, though. I've been making a good number of signatures, and am going to attempt digiscrapping some this week. I've downloaded a TON of free kits and can't wait to actually try some out. I have a picture of Hannah that is just perfect to scrap :o)

So I guess that's it for now. I look forward to seeing your comments and thank you for checking up on me!! (((hugs))))

Nose update (5/1)

Tuesday, May 1st, 2007, 7:04 pm

This has been a rough weekend / past few days.
Pain: My pain level is higher now than it was a week ago. I found it very interesting. I go to the ER with a broken nose and they send me home with a Rx for Vicotin. Which I'm not complaining, that's goof stuff for pain. So I go in for surgery a week later to reset the bones, and they send me home with a Rx for Oxycodone (Percoset) ... which for those who aren't familiar with this drug family, is about two times stronger than Vicotin. That tells me they were expecting the pain to be worse!! and guess what? It IS!

I have been afraid of developing a resistence to these meds so Sunday night I took a Vicotin instead of a Percoset. At the hospital when going over my pain mgmt plan they emphasized staying ahead of the pain, not catching up with the pain. Well, I realized yesterday my pain was not getting better, because taking that Vicotin appparently got me behind the pain, cause I was hurting ... allll day yesterday.

Sleeping. Ever since this happened I have been sleeping in Jay's recliner to keep my head elevated, so I could breathe better. One night last week I slept in the bed for a few hours and I was hurting there afterwards. Last night Jay and I were watching a movie in bed and fell asleep. I slept all night in bed, and when I woke this morning- OUCH!! I got back in the recliner and slept most of the day today with a buncha meds. I'm thinking, that when I sleep in bed, it allows me to just wholler around, digging my face in my pillow, etc .. and I really think sleeping on one side of my face puts more pressure on the given side and adds to the pain.

They've suggested that when this is over, that I ask my family Dr about going for a sleep study. When this first began they asked about whether I snored or not, to which, yes, I've been told I snore. I'm guessing f if I didn't snore and started to after the break, that it would give them clues to what was going on with my nasal passages? When I described my normal sleeping habits, things Jay have said, how I always feel fatigued no matter how much I sleep at night. So that's the next thing on the agenda. Well, along with persuing treatment for the TMJ. I am almost excited about the TMJ news. To think that there might be a way to get rid of my migraines?! I say Hallelujah!!

Overall, besides the pain and sleeping issues, I've been exhausted, but very restless. Not restless to the point I'm up to doing anything, I've been most productive online, though. I've been making a good number of signatures, and am going to attempt digiscrapping some this week. I've downloaded a TON of free kits and can't wait to actually try some out. I have a picture of Hannah that is just perfect to scrap :o)

So I guess that's it for now. I look forward to seeing your comments and thank you for checking up on me!! (((hugs))))

Sunday, April 29, 2007

Talk about judging!! WHEW!!

Sunday, April 29th, 2007, 2:03 am

So I had my surgery on my nose yesterday. I specifically shared my bad experience with having an IV inserted into the top of my hand five years ago when I had Hannah. Oh my gosh I felt that thing going in and felt it moved every time I moved my hand! The nurse said that it cold have been a couple of things, one, they got it in not very good ... two, the 'gauge's (sp?) they use for birth are a lot bigger.

So these were my words: "I am going to trust you to do what you believe you can do ... to not hurt me. If you think you can go in my hand and not have me in that pain, I will trust you."

So, she has my left hand, I'm holding Jay with my right. She tries to go into the vein on the right side of my wrist!!!!!! I have boney arms!!! She either missed the vein, or the vein collapsed or whatever y'all call it, IT DIDN'T WORK.

So okay, I cannot hide the fact I'm hurting. The whole time I'm facing Jay, and lets not forget my nose is broke and it HURTS to squint my eyes, raise my eyebrows, you know, move my face much, uh huh, yep. You're getting the picture.

So she's frequently saying she's sorry, and I'm frequently saying "you're okay, don't worry, just do what you need to do ..." "don't worry, I'm forgiving" ... and she keeps saying she's sorry! I'm like in my head "GET IT DONE!!!!" Stop apologizing and just do it! So I'm trying to stay calm, and assuring her I'm not upset with her, and I say "really, I'm okay. I'm forgiving, trust me, I don't hold a grudge or anything!"

This whole time I'm facing Jay with my eyes shut. I say that, and she says with a slight giggle "Well you must not be baptist, huh?" :-O I open my eyes and look at Jay, his eyes are as big as mine, we both look at her, she realizes I've turned my head, she looks up at me, and I say "Well YES, I am Baptist ... (you don't get much more baptist than us!)" her eyes get real big then she asks what church we go to and we tell her. She says "doesn't that church have a school, too?" to which we answer "yes" ... she mentions another church of like faith that has a school, then says "But I hear that school (ours) is real strict", with this sort of ... condescending kind of look on her face. By then she's withdrawn the needle from my wrist and applying gauze and tape to my arm ... and I say "Well, our school just has higher standards of excellence which leaves less room for grey areas that can cause confusion", and then the other nurse walked in.

So, WHOA!! Talk about you don't know who you're talking to!! Not only does she stereotype people, but done it straight to my face almost joking, but then turns around and tries to poke at my kid's school (which she didn't even know they went there!). I just hope and pray my long suffering with her gave her a better impression of us "baptists", LOL!!!

My nose surgery (4/27)

Sunday, April 29th, 2007, 12:57 am

Well, I'm sure hoping that they achieved what they set out to do!! I got to the hospital at 2, and like clockwork, there went our youth Pastor meeting us in the parking lot :) What's funny was, it was the same hospital mom had her surgery at last November, and he was there with us then, too .. and I had not been back to that hospital til yesterday, either, lol

We got where we needed to be within a few minutes, had a chance to fellowship for a few, then the process began. They called me back to go over the business end (so the guys chatted while I done that) ... I went back out to the waiting room to get my insurance card and we prayed then in case R had to leave before I got back; then I went to visit with a nurse to go over my healthy history, confirm details, etc .. then met with the anesthesiologist, he done his thing, explained who was going to be helping me, etc .. then when I got done with him I went and got jay and we went back to the main waiting room.

I'm not sure why people complain so much about having to be there so early cause I mean yes, the procedure was s'posed to be at 5 and they said be there at 2, but they done everything in such a timely manner, we really did not wait much at all. They allowed Jay to be with me in pre op, right until they took me back to the OR.

What they done, I'm sure y'all have seen it done on TV, they take that cylinder shaped medal device, stuck it up my nose, and took a little hammer from the outside and basically reshaped my nose, putting the bones back where it was supposed to and I guess they attempted to straighten the septum. They taped my nose quite tightly, and put an actual cast on my nose. I have a picture of it I'll have to upload, but it fell off this evening. I was wondering how it was supposed to stay on anyway, Jay said they told him it would likely fall off and if it did, it would be okay.

HOWEVER, the tape, is not to get wet .... at all. My first thought was !#$%^&*, ?? But then it occurred to me I can go to my hair stylist and have her wash my hair this week. I dont know about showering,, maybe stick a shower cap over my face? I dunno.

SO How Did I Do? not so good. Remember Thursday I said that I had a migraine? Remember they said no eating or drinking after midnight Friday? It was by God's grace I was walking and talking when we got to the hospital. When they were bringing me out of the general anesthesia, my migraine was in full force. So not only did I have the surgery / nose pain, I had migraine pain, TOO.

I had trouble opening my eyes, because, florescent lights is a BAD trigger for my migraine pain .. I was breathing from my mouth, and my throat was DRY. My left hand /wrist was hurting from where the nurse tried to kill me (that's another post), and the IV was in my right hand, and taped all that stuff TIGHT. The only anesthesia I've been under before was a spinal block and all that incurs, so when I realized I could move my legs it felt all freaky ... and just overall, I was in PAIN. Like, a 9 of 10.

So the nurse offered me some dub-ba-blubba-dodin (who knows), and apparently she noticed my hesitation, and then offered morphine, to which I managed a "Oh yeuh!", I heard her smile (remember my eyes were closed from the pain and lack of ability to really move) ... and I said "I guess I sounded like quite the druggie didn't I?" and she laughed. I explained that's what I had with the kids, etc ... So she gave me some morphine in my IV.

Within the next hour they got me some water to which about choked me. Tell me ... someone has not had ANYTHING to drink in going on NINETEEN hours, and just come out of surgery and has been breathing out of their mouth for at LEAST an hour ... WHY WOULD YOU GIVE THEM COLD ICE WATER???!!! I sat there choking for five minutes! It made my nose bleed! I kindly asked for lukewarm water and they were nice enough to get me some ;o) I then proceeded to try to eat some saltines with my warm water, and uhg :cP

After some time another nurse come in with my instructions, and that was about when I almost lost my graciousness. They had the light out in my little hole of a recovery booth (you know like those curtain areas?). She said she needed to turn the light on to read the instructions ... I'm trying to tell Jay "Can you not see them without the light on?" which, I can open my eyes up enough to know YYEEESSSS you can! and I ask "do you haavvee to?" to which she says "I need the light on to explain these papers" ... why pray-tell can't you step your rear end three feet outside my curtain and show Jay those papers?! It was rough.

So then we head home. We decided to drop off my Rx's on the way home and Jay come back out to get them. Target, where we usually get out Rx, didn't have the Percoset (Oxycotin). CVS did not have the dosage (after waiting 20 minutes cause they say "Yes, we have it!" when he went in and asked. So he takes me home and goes to Walgreens and they have it.

So get this, the pharmacist explained the strength of the Percoset to Jay. Check it out, last week, the ER doc sent me home with vicotin for a newly broken nose, right? Last night, the ENT doc sent me home with this Percoset, which, the pharmacist told Jay it was about equal to THREE of the vicotin I was taking, in ONE dose of this stuff. So tell me what was expected to hurt worse?! Wowsers!

So Jay has been doctoring me all day and monitoring my meds. I've been nauseous pretty much all day, not sure if it's the meds, my equilibrium or what. I feel off .... balance. I about said off my rocker but that wouldn't be what I was talking about although it would be accurate as well. and you know, it still feels like it takes me a lot of energy to talk. I've had two conversations today, one with C2 and the other with a friend from church. After both conversations I was so tired afterwards. I wonder if that's normal? kwim?

Well, I have a little testimony I wanna post too ... I guess that's about it as far as my nose!

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Dr Appt's today (4/26): Hospital tomorrow

Thursday, April 26th, 2007, 8:57 pm

Woke up with a migraine ... went to dr at 9:15. left at 11:15 waiting on a call to let me know when to go to the ENT specialist, b/c there was "concern" about the right side of my nose. Go to mom's, pass out until 3, get a call from ENT saying get there by 4.

I should have been at the ENT yesterday. It's not three breaks, the septum is broken too ... four breaks. Here are where the other three are:

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Basically? I smashed me face. My option was to let it heal and have a crooked nose ... let it heal, come back in 6 wks and let them rebreak it and set it ... or go ahead and set it tomorrow at 5pm.

I'll be going into the hospital tomorrow at 2 for prep, and the procedure / surgery is set for 5pm. My impression is it's outpatient, but I will be under general anesthesia. After the procedure, they will be putting a CAST on my nose. So as if going through that pain AGAIN isn't enough, I'm going to look STUPID in the process!!!AND!! I can't have any food, drink, or meds after midnight tonight, and the procedure isn't until FIVE PM!!!

Oh, and as if this wasn't bad enough? My new insurance policy from work has a $1500 deductible! We're going into more debt!! AARRGGG!!!!! I'm so not a happy camper. Not to mention, this is putting me out of work for another week, but he said it was going to take 6-8 weeks to be totally healed.

Uhg :(

Monday, April 23, 2007

Dr Visit (4/23)

Monday, April 23rd, 2007, 2:04 pm

I spoke with my boss last night and felt it was a better idea to be seen today since my irritating sickness has gtten worse since I broke my nose, especially this weekend. My chest is tight, I'm coughing, hacking, snotting, name it. It's been hard since I cannot blow my nose either! They said if I did I risked bacteria going through the breaks and that area becoming infected.

So guess what?

It's infected. The area around the break has infection surrounding it, and well, my sinuses (ouch)...

I am also having a reaction to the tetnus shot, which I figured (ouch is the word) ...

and she's written me out of work for the week because I cannot take any risks of my face getting "bopped" by one of the kids. That was a fear of mine but I didn't want to seem irrational, kwim? It's not just my nose, but my face.

Oh, and my left jaw is inflamed due to the impact and the fact I've learned I have TMJ.

WHICH, co incidentally, when all this is over, I will be seeing a dentist for because TMJ is a known trigger of migraines!! Can you believe it? It took me breaking my nose to find this out!!

So she sent me home with antibiotics, valium for my neck and shoulders, refills for imitrex, and an excuse for work to return next monday.

I'm going to take a nap now ...

Friday, April 20, 2007


Friday, April 20th, 2007, 10:26 pm

Started at 6:41pm:
It was sprinkling rain yesterday and the grass was wet. I was running next door because the Gas man was there, I saw him when I pulled in my driveway coming home. They were supposed to reconnect our gas, but there was a note on the door saying no one was home. But J had left a key hidden outside and there was supposed to be a note on our account saying so.

So I'm running. Next thing I know I am in the air. I cannot say I tripped, or slid, or anything. I just went from ground to air. and I landed on my face. On a gravel driveway. See, my house is somewhat off the road. The driveway next to ours leads to a house more further off the road than ours, back in the woods. Then there's the driveway the gas man was in, which is the next one, and that house is right there on the road. So I fell from my grass onto the gravel driveway. I have no scratches anywhere but my face, because, well, that's what broke the fall.

I immediately knew something was wrong, blood was pouring out of my nose, everything started that stinging feeling. I had my cell phone in my hand so I called my mom and dad to come over. I got up, holding my hand over my nose and went up to the truck and explained about the gas situation. my neighbor (whom I had not yet met) was just looking at me all freaky and went and got a paper towel. The gas guy said "Well, that wasn't one of my calls, but I'll go over and do it for you" (LOL!! You think he thought I was desperate!!??) By then the wife come out, elderly couple they are, and she started mama'ing, got her umbrella and walked me home.

She was SO sweet and as we were talking she was telling me about the lady that lived here, my landlord's mother. She said that 'Sarah' prayed like no one you'd heard before. When she prayed you knew that the spirit was enveloping the room, she prayed with authority. I thought that was such a blessing to know that the Lord was already a part of this house before we ever moved in, because it was surly God's intervention that got us here in the first place!!

So I got in the house, and Hannah started helping me get washcloths, she insisted I layed down in 'daddy's chair', even pulled out the footrest for me ;o) I called Jay, all the while, I'm feeling the swelling getting worse ... my forehead, nose, eyes, cheeks, lips, and chin. Jay calls me parents because they should had been at the house by then. They said they had not talked to me!! But they were at my sister's house beating on the door cause "Brandy called and said she broke her toe" :-O Jay said "Nooooo, WENDY called cause she's broke her NOSE!!!". Sis's house is five miles opposite of my parent's house, and their house is five miles from here. So they urn around and head over here. Not long after they got here my neighbor lady had walked back over and brought the kid's a plate of cake :::hearts::::

Mom and I take off to the emergency room. Kristi was going to come over shortly after that to be with the kids (and daddy ... he's a good placeholder babysitter but they still needed to be fed, put to bed etc.. lol). We got there and everyone was looking at me like I was a freak. The triage nurse got me approved for the "fast track" ...

continued at 9:21pm:
So I was in a 'curtain' within 30-40 minutes. They done a head and facial CT scan and concluded that there were no fractures or breaks other than the three breaks around my nose (left, center, and right), right above the bridge of my nose. Besides the fact when I landed, my bottom front teeth went into my lip, but didn't make it through to the other side (PTL). I could not bite down at all last night, but this afternoon I was able to. I'm guessing there was just swelling around my jaws.

You know the Lord is good. When we got there and I was sitting in the wheelchair waiting to check in, a song popped in my head and I was humming to myself through the silent tears. The lyrics go like:

"God is good, yes he is. He's good all the tiiimmmeee ... God is good, yeeeessss he is, he's good all the time. You can search, the whole world over, and no greater friend you'll find. He's not good just now and then, he's good ALL the time ....".

I had the head CT done first. When I got back he asked if the vicotin I had taken about an hour earlier was working, and I said not so much. He said "we'll take care of that", and a few minutes later the nurse come and brought me two more *g* Those worked! Then the Dr looked at the CT results and decided he wanted a facial to be sure of my jaw, and he aologized in advanced saying they had all the CT machines running but there's a HUGE line of orders for CT's last night and he could not say how long we would have to wait. A few minutes later I saw another Dr come in venting about the CTs, saying that there were 82 people waiting for CTs right then that at that rate it would be 3-4 hours to get his patient's done. I prayed.

About 15 minutes later they come and got me to take me down to the X ray room (PTL for rolling mini beds), and after waiting in the hall 10-15 minutes, I was in! ~whew~ Then he come back about 20-30 minutes later and said "Come look at your CT results", and you know what was so funny? He showed them to me on the same computer that they showed us Jackson's X ray results from when he broke his arm- we went right by his room in the peds area ;o) So he showed me where the breaks were, we went back to my bed, he showed me how he wanted me to spray Afrin in my nose (calm the bleeding), explained about going to see my regular dr in a week and about setting it if they need to, then he looked real close at my nose and proceeded to clean it and pick the gravel out of the skin.

We left around 7pm and got home about 1:20, I didn't think that was bad at all considering the ER waiting room was standing room only around 8:30!


My neck and shoulders are hurting bad, and my upper chest is achey. It's like the vicotin is doing well for my face but my muscles are VERY tender. I found a bruise on my right elbow. My left arm is hurting where they gave me a tetnus shot. My face is changing colors (again) but it seems like the swelling around my nose has went down, but my eyes are swelling more. I can see the swelling under my right eye as I look straight out and of course down. I have pics on my cell phone of the progression of the swelling, etc I just need to figure out how to get them on the internet ;o)

My bottom lip has already started healing well where it was busted on the outside. I'm most comfortable when he head is supported by something other than my own neck strength, does that make sense? That collar was comfy last night! Jay said earlier I needed to get on the computer for physical therapy ;o) But then has fussed at how much I've been up and around since they come home but geesh! Hannah has not given me a moment's peace since I got home! Speaking of, I need to get the kids to bed. I'll try to post more later.

((((((((group hug))))))))))

Sunday, April 15, 2007

Peeping in

Sunday, April 15th, 2007, 10:36 pm

A friend asked me how I was. Honestly? I am so not fine. I miss my baby so much. There are so many "firsts" we've yet to encounter, but the ones we have have been so overwhelming at times. Yesterday was the first time I was at Target and passed the dog isle ... and did not have a reason to go down it. I almost had an anxiety attack there in the store, but calmed myself down enough to get to the back corner of the store and just cry a few minutes.

Everytime I visit my parents, I want to hold onto TJ (their dog, Temone's son) for dear life. I'm freaking him out. He keeps looking at the door like Jay's going to come in with Temone, too. I have to force myself to call him the right name, otherwise I'm calling him 'Moni', which I have NEVER done before.

Last week was our first holiday without him. We had family over, he would had been permanently planted in either mine or my mom's lap the whole time to avoid the "foot traffic".

and I've been sick the past few days. It's just going from one ailment to the next. This is the first time I've been home from work sick ... without having him to cuddle with. I've managed to sleep, but when I'm on the couch sick, he would pay special attention to cuddle with me, like he knew I felt bad. (I'm still feeling bad!)

That's my quick update. Guess that was more than what you were looking for, huh? I dont want to have a depressing blog, but, such is me right now :( Thank you SO much for all of your support and kind words, it really means so much to me. It means a lot to know there are people thinking about us and care about how we're doing, from the comments in my last post to those checking in on my wall, I feel fortunate to have such a network here (((group hug))))

Wednesday, April 4, 2007

He's gone ....

Wednesday, April 4th, 2007, 1:26 pm

I come home from lunch yesterday to check on him. While I was here, he sneezed a few time sin a row and apparently bust a vessel in his left nasal passage. Blood was everywhere it seemed (around him, you know how when animals sneeze, the 'sneeze' goes in all directions.). His nose was bleeding pretty heavy (to me) and I had Jay call MIL, who in turn started calling our vet (P) and the specialist's office. (I did get the bleeding to stop.) Records were found there (at the specialist) and addt'l info was faxed from P's office, and the specialist said that his cancer was squamous carcinoma, the abolsute WORST kind of cancer in dogs, and they would not even treat it because the measures were too drastic.

She said that if they were to try to treat him, he would have to have three different surgeries, a round of chemo, and a round of radiation, and with that, they would give a 25% chance his life would be expanded by 30-60 DAYS.

P said that the best thing we could do for him was to bring him in last night and put him to sleep ... for good. So we did. He's gone. Monday night I prayed at revival for the Lord to give us the wisdom to know when to say when. Our prayer was answered in less than 24 hours, praise him. I don't want to talk about it any more quite yet but I wanted everyone to have an update. My boss let me have today off to 'get it all out', I'm so fortunate to have her as my boss, she's so compassionate. If you don't see me around the boards for the rest of the week, please understand why. I'm just trying to process it right now :...o(

Monday, April 2, 2007

Temone's Test Results

Monday, April 2nd, 2007, 7:17 am
It's cancer ...

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Update on Temone, Tuesday March 27th

Tuesday, March 27th, 2007, 10:47 pm

Update on Temone, Tuesday March 27th

Pete, the vet who done his first surgery, has been out of town since the infection got bad. We postponed the biopsy from yesterday until today, since today was his first day back from vacation. We thought they were going to cut the infection out, but after Pete saw Temone today ... he said in his 17 years of practicing veteranarian medicine, he has NEVER seen an infection like this.

The tiny knot that was on his neck before the first surgery (lymph node, swelling from infection) is now the size of a walnut, it has not only spread to his sinuses but it's in his nasal passages as well. This explains the very loud breathing. It sounds like he's snoring, but he's awake, just breathing.

So he did not deal with the infection but did go in for a biopsy to make sure there is no cancer. He does not think, in his opinion that it IS cancer, but he does not want to say it's not without being 100%. The symptoms are not 100% lineing up as cancer, which makes him think it's a chronic, severe infection that needs to be treated with a round of steroids. That's best case scenario.

Worst case, it is cancer ... and if it is cancer, the type he is thinking it could, if it was, is not operable OR successful with chemo. Our only option if it is indeed cancer is to put him down.

So there you have it. My heart is laying out on my sleeve right now. Since I know a lot of my 'newer' friends will be reading this, I'll share something they likely do not know about me here, I have panic / anxiety disorder, along with clinical depression. The depression is managed by medication, as is most of the panic / anxiety issues, until something extremely stressful comes about... Like this.

Temone will be 13 years old May 8th. He was the first real sign of committment in my husband and my relationship. I could not sleep the night before my wedding, and it was only until 2am I realized I did not have Temone with me, he was at our apartment and I slept at my parent's house that night. This dog taught me to be a mother. The day we brought Jackson home from the hospital, my mom asked what I thought about having a baby to care for. I said "It's not much different than taking care of Temone". Jackson pee'd on Temone that same day ;o) Since then they've had a special relationship. lol To tell you the truth I have not had this kind of anxiety since my grandmother died five years ago.

I guess I write all of this to say, PLEASE, PLEASE pray for me (and him) during this time. Wisdom for Pete (who gave us a Rx for morphine for FREE because he said no doubt Temone was in pain now..) in how to treat him, that the biopsy results come back FAST (he said it could be 7-10 days!), Jay to keep his wits about him (he's as worried as I am ... he's taking him to work with him the rest of the week because of T being on the morphine...). :::deep sigh:::: Guys I can feel it- this is going to shake me down and rock my world. I just know it.

Monday, March 26, 2007

I tried to make it quick!

Monday, March 26th, 2007, 10:10 pm

Today was okay. Work was well. I was in the 4/5 yos today, and they were wild. I wonder what they do on the weekends sometimes, do they run wild all weekend too or what? kwim? (maybe not?) hehe The asst teacher in that class left, and the new one was to start today (part timer from another class going full time), but she was sick today. I love the lead teacher in that class, she's a joy to work with.

The kids and I had dinner after I picked them up and it seemed like no time and it was bedtime for them. poor Jackson was in meltdown mode. Hannah was obviously tired cause she took her bath cheerfully, and gave me minimal whining when I was combing her hair. (Does anyone else have drama central combing little girls' hair?) I showed her the pink gown that's been missing for forever, and she quickly put it on and went to bed no problem!

Jackson on the other hand ... I had to tell him three times to get started on his homework, but when I went to check on him after about 20-30 minutes later, he hands me five sheets! He confessed to not doing his homework this weekend (2 sheets) and not doing a sheet in class today, leaving his regular two sheets for tonight. I'm proud though, he could have skipped it all but he owned up to his responsibility and done all of it without my following up on him. I say that's pretty good for an 8 yo 2nd grader! But after he finished his homework he melted ... he had been watching a hunting show while doing his work, and missed the shot when he was bringing me his papers. Poor guy.

He has also agreed to a "reading challenge". Since we're working with Jon's AR list, I asked Jackson what he thought about reading the books off Jon's list for Jackson's grade level, and writing little book reviews on it. (I told him I would even put them on "my website". ;o) I told him he could see how many books he read in the spring, and try to beat that number in the summer. Competition. That's all that was needed. he was hooked. So now instead of one list I'm now working on TWO lists, LOL!! What have I done!!??

Temone is going back to the vet tomorrow (Tuesday) and he is having surgery. What they're doing, we do not know but he called Jay today and said to be sure Temone didn't eat or drink after midnight. (Yeh, we feed our dog after midnight alllll the time, lol). It's the regular vet that is doing the surgery, which is why he did not go back today as planned on Saturday. That vet had been out last week on vacation, but he's back now. PTL~ my baby is feeling rough! But his spirits are well, I called him from the kitchen when we got home tonight and he bee-bopped in the kitchen right to me.

Junior on the other hand ... poor guy. He was in Hannah's room today when Jay left. We close their bedroom doors when we leave to avoid "accidents" by the pets. As I was getting Hannah out of the bath I heard his bell jingling from Hannah's room. He had apparently been in there since Jay left at 11am! It wouldn't be so bad but it was 72o today, and Jay ALSO left the HEAT on, so it was 80o in the house when we got home, and he was in a room with a closed door! he's outside enjoying fresh air now.

I'm slowly working on a fly-larvae journal. I found the supplies for it when I was unpacking. I want to find some daily routine's somewhere, and somehow include juicing in it, lol I should probably be juicing now, but this is my cheap therapy (blogging). I'm so glad iVillage come up with iConnect, I had a post going on for months about what to name my blog at blogspot. I was going to change the link and everything, and on blogspot the title is rather important, here it isn't as much (I don't think at least!!). Now maybe if iVillage does RSS feeds on the blogs like does, hey that would be cool! oh back to juicing, I am so convicnced of the benefits of it, it's just incorporating it into our daily lives. It's a big change, doing that. Have any of you tried making your own juice?

Well I guess that's enough for tonight. Any more and I will ramble. Have a great Tuesday everyone!!

Sunday, March 25, 2007

Update- Temone

Sunday, March 25th, 2007, 12:32 am

I noticed drops of salivated blood on his blanket yesterday (Friday), and looked at his mouth. The upper left gum where his teeth were cut out was protruding from his mouth and just red and raw almost. I felt so bad for him. I mean, other than the obvious breathing issues from his sinus infection (I'm assuming), he's generally in good spirits. He's always been a sweet hearted dog. I noticed where he's been drooling in parts his beard was getting matted so I trimmed his beard down. Jay called MIL and she contacted the vet's office (we use their vet and they, having six animals between them ...) and arranged for Temone to be seen today and offered to take him.

Their actual vet was out of town but the other one in the office met her to see him. He gave Temone a shot of antibiotic supposidly different / stronger from the "stout" one he was given last week. He said for us to bring him back on Monday and they would do a biopsy to make sure there's nothing else there .... cancer. You know I am so not going to freak out until I need to. I said that with my mother and I'll say it now. While my flesh wants to FREAK out cause they said the C word, I know at this time it's precautionary. He had major surgery, he will be thirteen years old this May, this is just hitting him hard (the surgery / abcess). Cause you know they took twelve teeth, but the problem area is where the abcessed tooth was.

So MIL gets home and L, her friend, is not happy with what was done. He was concerned about Temone being dehydrated and his breathing .. so they pack up the car and head to the clinic that treated MIL's dog (Tiffany) with her chemo treatments, and is currently treating her other dog (Tribble, Tiffany and Temone's son). They done all sorts of tests and X rays etc and determine that there's nothing blocking his airways aside from the sinus infection, so that is good, kwim? They also gave some suggestions for helping him be more comfortable until Monday like Little Noses saline drops for his nose, and Maalox for his belly since it's likely he's swallowing blood because TODAY, the abcessed area was literally bleeding.

So L was happy. I'm happy with that treatment.

Thankful Challenge (TC): Saturday

Sunday, March 25th, 2007, 12:13 am

Today I am thankful for:

The many prayers that were offered on my behalf here today.That she was not at the party (seriously!)The lessons the Lord brought to my mind today.

That I have a daughter who cares so much for her brother's friends that she wanted to be sure SHE gave her a gift, and not a gift from them both. She was excited to GIVE, that blessed me.To see my son put so much thought into what to get his friend. and for it to be a girl, he really showed today just how much he pays attention ("Hannah, she doesn't like regular girl stuff like you. She doesn't like princesses, she doesn't like Barbie ..." lol)

The fellowship we had at the party.
The good pictures I was able to get.Jackson agreeing to let our pet store friend keep the frog he found at Kristi's apartment last night (like I needed another animal).
Getting to know our pet store friend better.
MIL contacting her vet office and getting Temone an appointment for today- his mouth is WORSE than it was last week :o(
MIL's 'friend', for insisting that they go to the Clinic in the next city that MIL's dog for her chemo treatments from ... because what their vet's partner that saw Temone today, said, was not sufficient enough for L.That Temone does not have anything blocking his airways.
That L is covering our vet bills up front and is not expecting us to pay him back (although we're going to budget payments to give him at least some back, the vet bills are already up to $700!).

That my baby (Temone, lol) is home tonight with us.
My house.

Saturday, March 24, 2007

Thankful Challenge (TC): Friday

Saturday, March 24th, 2007, 11:58 pm

Yesterday I was thankful for:

An employer that is empathetic to family things that pop up that can cause you to be late. (I was late again) A workplace that treats their employees as well as mine does- they brought biscuits (and fruit, coffee, juice) for breakfast, and had lunch catered by this Mexican Restaurant that is just awesome. We had a staff development day yesterday so no kids were there and it was all day training.) The day of on the clock, regular schedule training we had yesterday. I learned a lot.

Getting out of work an hour early yesterday, it was such a beautiful day it was nice to get up to the kid's school early so they could play on the playground for a little bit. I got to visit with a friend while they kids played on the playground with her girls ;o) She's so sweet, I am glad we've been getting to know each other.

We went out to this Japanese Steakhouse last night with Kristi, her dd, and Jay's best friend Jon. It was awesome, much better than past experiences that I remember. It was a first for Jay and I, we have never went to one together! YES! 13 years and this was a first. Hannah didn't care for the fire and I dare say if we asked her next time if she wants to go, she just might say no. Although she ate very well and even used the chopsticks. My MIL. She's always there when we need something .. well, within reason ;o) The beautiful day we had, it got up to 81o!! Falling asleep at 10pm, I needed the rest! The kids going to sleep right when I put them to bed.

"The" birthday party

Saturday, March 24th, 2007, 11:41 pm

First let me explain the dynamic in Jackson's class. Let me back up. Hannah and Jackson both go to private christian school- she's in k4 and he's in 2nd grade. Our school is k4-12th grade, one building, this year we had 172 students total. Small school, so naturally, each grade consists of one class. So Jackson has been with the same kids in school since he was four (four years), with the exception of one girl and she started this year, having been homeschooled up until this year.

Jackson's best friend is Jacob. They've been 'together' since they were two. Yes, they chose to play with each other at two years old. They're soulmates in the friend sense. Like David and Jonathan (in the bible). They are both of the same high spirited temperament, and it was such a blessing to realize that when they were three, for his mom and myself, just to know someone knows what it was like to have a child like that.

So they're four and start school. And they meet Jordan ;o) Jacob falls in love, lol .... and it begins. From day one, Jordan is the most popular in the class. Adorable little girl with strawberry blonde hair and glasses (when she was four she had LONG hair and wore it in pigtails, loved, loved, loved it!). The summer before first grade, Jackson confides in me that he has a crush on someone. She was really cute, and never got any D marks at school. Then there were two in his class that would fit that description, and my first guess was wrong. Guess who the other one was. That was when I got to have the "talk" with him about the commandment "thou shalt not crush on best friends girlfriend" LOL!

So after much counseling, not really a lot, but after some talking he understood what I was saying, and agreed. It was not as much as he had a 'real' crush on her, as much as ... his missed his friends. and she was one of his best friends. he really didn't understand (then) the whole crush thing. There has not been a day that he comes home and mentions playing with one, that he doesn't mention the other.

What was funny was one day I was talking to Jay when he was at work, and I don't even remember what we were talking about ... but Jay said "Oh but lets not forget Jacob S." and the admin asst he works with said "Excuse me, did you just say Jacob S.?" ... Jay said "Yes, that's Jackson's best friend ... we were talking about [whatever]" and she said "wait a minute, does he go to school in ____", and he said "yeeeeessss"; she said, "Our neice Jordan goes to that school and she talks about Jacob S and Jackson ALLLLL the time" ROFL Jay says "Well that's my boy!!". The irony? They work almost an hour away from the school!

Then the plot got thicker. As they started talking more about family, etc ... they realized, Jay's ex wife is married into their family :-O YES!~ Jay's ex wife was related to Jackson's best friend. Oy! There is MUCH history there. MUCH. We're talking, I was there the night she told him she was leaving. Tense stuff. So of course there has been a lot of emotions in the past, but then I got saved in May '97 and the Lord started changing everything then.

So fast forward to last night. We're getting the kids ready for bed and Jackson mentions Jordan's birthday party and yay we're all excited. Then Jay says "Ummm ... you realize ... somebody might be there, right?" and I'm like "huh?" and he said "somebody ... that's related to her ..." OY! and then I was like "well you know what? It's just going to have to be okay, because that's Jackson's best friend." But man, a thousand different scenarios went through my head between then and this morning. My flesh was getting the better of me so I posted a prayer request on Christian Family Life and of course my girls backed me up ;O) Then when we got there, she wasn't. Which was okay, too, ya know?

But ya know, good still come out of this because it seems like the Lord sends situations my way that brings me back to that time in our lives, and I have to examine my current feelings towards her. It's almost like a litmus test to see how much of my 'old' self still exists in my 'new' life ... does that make sense? Self examination never hurt anyone, right? So that was really my head spinner for the week.

As for the party~

They had a GREAT turnout, ten out of the fourteen in class come today. It's neat, the longer they're together as a class the better our gatherings are. This class has been together since they were four (this was an "8th" bday, 2nd grade). I got some GREAT pictures, especially with the three of them together ;o) It's also such a good time for us moms, too. It's neat to see how our own friendships have grown over these short years, and to think we have ten more to go ;o) It made me think perhaps we'll have an end of school year party here at the house and have a pot luck dinner or something. That would be a lot of fun and ya know? Praise God we DO have the room to do it *g*

Jacob come home with us (Jackson's best friend). They've been ripping and roaring all evening. My head is busting- although I think it would have even if they weren't ;)

Friday, March 23, 2007

Thankful Challenge (TC): Wednesday & Thursday

Friday, March 23rd, 2007, 12:24 am

Yesterday I was thankful for ... Hannah's good spirit while she was sick. That Jon got to come over and play with Jackson, they both needed that. That I learned quickly I could find books on Jon's reading list online and reserve them for us ... saves some legwork, I tell ya! The good game of checkers Hannah and I played, she's getting good, it's so funny to play with her! She'll scoot all her pieces over as far as she can, until you just cannot go anywhere else! she'll start to move one and go "no, if I move there you will jump me ... mom I'll pass this time, you can go" ROFL!! I was able to help my good friend get her nursing license verified. Her computer is messed up and I have not been able to go fix it for her yet. So we done it over the phone together, with my using our internet. Today I am thankful for ....

Getting to spend another day at home with Hannah, just vegging out. She ran a fever last night, ad our school's rule is 24 hours no fever with no meds before returning. Come to find out Jackson had it first, then their friend Joel, and then Hannah. But Joel went home today with tummy troubles, poor guy! As gross a sounds as he is making, I believe the new antibiotics are working for Temone. He's supposed to go for a checkup tomorrow to verify if the infection is indeed going down. I wonder ... Jay's had work issues pop up this week, does he remember? Grey's Anatomy is not a repeat tonight and I am about to go watch it on DVR ;o)

I got all of our laundry done tonight at the laundromat. two week's worth! I got 99% of the trash in the kitchen picked up. No we're not yucky, we just eat take-out a lot. LOL!! My ratties, they're so sweet. I took some pictures of them today but it was through the cage so I'm afraid they won't turn out that good. Maybe this weekend we'll get them out and get some good pics of them. I'll have to show them off on the Small Animals board when I get them, too.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Home today, Hannah's sick

Wednesday, March 21st, 2007, 8:35 am

Hannah woke up between 3 and 3:30 this morning ... well, she started coughing rough, I should say. I woke her up to check on her and she was burning up- 102.3. and she was nauseous. So I kept her home today and called into work. I'm so thankful to have a family friendly work environment. They're very sympathetic about the not sending your kid to school sick thing ;o) Maybe I'll get some things done today? Ahhh, how about I go back to bed for a little bit. Yeh, that sounds good ;o) and I'll take Temone with me so we can cuddle...

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

The Dog, The Boy, & Overachieving

Tuesday, March 20th, 2007, 10:59 pm

Temone had surgery a couple of weeks ago. This past week he developed a severe infection and we had to take him to the vet Sunday. His sinuses are infected along with his mouth, and he's had trouble breathing for all of the congestion. He is literally snorting for air at ties. He feels so bad, I can just see it. poor baby is having to sleep with his mouth open to breathe, but he only has seven teeth so he's drooling on his blankets. I remember when he was a puppy he had the flu once, and that was NOTHING compared to this. I mean it could have something to do with the fact he's pushing 13 years old now, but still. I feel so bad for my baby. I want to call in tomorrow so I can cuddle him all day. Maybe I'll take him to mom's before work so SHE can cuddle with him?

I'm so frustrated with Jon (my nephew)'s school situation. He has a teacher that is pushing for him to go on medication / get an official ADD diagnosis. I know I'm not a doctor, but, the boy does NOT have ADD. The boy has a major lack of structure in his life, that's what he has. The boy does not go to sleep before midnight each night, and is on the school bus at 6am every morning. His dad just died a month ago. His mom works two jobs. His CAT died today. He has a LOT of things going on but ADD is NOT one of them. When he has structure in his life, he does well. THAT, has been proven before. I just hope we can make enough progress with his reading that Sis will consider what I tell her instead of pushing for a diagnosis from his doctor. IMO his teacher needs to be looking for ways to help him succeed in the now instead of hoping for meds so he might be able to succeed later, kwim?

Jackson is so excited about achievement tests this week. he is feeling pretty confident in how he is doing. We've been praying every morning, I believe the Lord's answering prayer. I'm trying to help Jackson understand that it's not as important in how high he scores, but that it's more important that we know he done his very best, regardless of the score. I never thought I would ever say this but I have a high achieving child. He's very brainy, and it's SUCH a blessing for me in so many ways. BUT, with that comes the curse of perfectionism. So my parenting challenge of late has been spinning the usual "Woo-Hoo! You got an A!" to "I'm glad you tried your best sweetie" "It's okay if you ONLY made a 94, you done your best!" "You don't have to win every time, you know...". I love it that he's successful, but at the same time I don't want to overlook an opportunity to build up his character, too. Does that make sense?

Uhg, I just talked to dad and they're working late tomorrow. I'm going to have to see if I can cut out a few minutes early so I can pick up Jon at Sis's work on my way to go get the kids. Oy! I wanted mom and dad to pick the kids up (save me 30 miles), and Sis drop Jon off at their house and me pick all of them up there on my way home (which is literally on the way, kwim?) ... that blows taking Temone over there before work ... they won't be home anyways!

I bought a phonics book I want to work with Jon in ... it will help me pinpoint where he has trouble with certain words. I'm starting to wonder if I'm supposed to be a teacher when I grow up?