Had to go back to the dr ...

Friday, May 11th, 2007, 1:31 am


I was putting moisturizer on this morning, and when got to my nose I heard a snap'ish, crackle'ish, and pop-but-more-like-a-thump. I thought, "uh oh", but it's not like it really HURT. I felt it, and I audibly heard it, but it did not HURT.

But as the day progressed, it felt more and more uncomfortable. I got worried cause I'm going back to work on Monday. I need to. So I called the ENT this afternoon and they had me come in right then.

I'm going to back up a little, when I was getting my pre-op paperwork done for my surgery, some fine print popped out at me saying "Patient understands that the surgery might not achieved the desired outcome".. I asked "huh?" and they said "legality", and I said "oh". Let me refer back to my last update:

But they said for a broken nose, it takes around nine months to a year for it to completely heal. This means, I will be having to go back periodically for the next year to ensure that the bones are settling correctly, no infection, etc. What UNsettled me was, she said in some cases, they have to do additional surgery!! :-O Oh my word! She said of course it would be if the way it was healing was interfering with my breathing.

That was last Friday. So he looks at my nose, feeling where the bones broke. Then checked inside. My bones are still "healing nicely", but my septum is definitely still "scooted" ... Lets translate: OUT OF PLACE ... "Deviated"!!!!

I was telling mom this morning my nose was crooked!!!! He (the dr) said he'd seen worse, but he'd seen better. But for the severity of the break as a whole, he was impressed with how well the bones were healing all things considered.

He asked how I was sleeping, and I said crappy. He went ahead and scheduled the consult for the sleep study for the 29th, and they would schedule the actual study then. He's concerned about sleep apnea.

At surgery time, they had asked about ringing in my ears. So I have been paying attention, and yes, there's ringing. So they done a hearing test while I was there today. It's funny. I've always thought I was hard of hearing. Jay's even said. he says I never listen to him. he can be sitting three feet away and I can be oblivious to what he's saying ... I honestly felt I did not hear him!!

So here's the thing. I have, almost PERFECT hearing, LMBO!! He said out of a hundred people, I would be in the top five percent. But this is what is happening, he said I hear so well, that living in the city, constant background noises around, etc .. my brain will tend to overload on sound, and for example will "say" "I'm going to tune out 20% of all sounds around me", so no matter what is going on around, because of the hypersensitivity, I don't hear it. He said that it's common for people who have hypersensitive hearing (there's another term he used..) to be labeled as ADD ... iinntteerreessttiinnggg!!!!

So Jay, I'm sorry dear, I really have been ignoring you, but it's not my fault ;)

I'm very bothered by this news that the surgery did not go as I was understanding it would. I understood that I would have a straight nose when this all come out. I can understand that people who do not look at my face every time that they go to the bathroom, put on their make up, check out their outfits, look in the rearview mirror of their car, so forth, so on ... cannot see, that my nose is NOT the same as it was before I accidentally went bopping for gravel (Thanks D, for that term ;)

But the fact remains, *I* know it's not right, and *I AM* the one who sees my face every time that I go to the bathroom, put on my make up, check out my outfits, look in the rearview mirror of my car, so forth, so on .... every time I look in the mirror I SEE that gravel driveway coming at my face knowing there's not going to be anything I could do in that split second to prevent myself from being hurt!! I am reminded multiple times daily of what has happened these last few weeks. The pain ... the pain ... and right now I am starting to be reminded DAILY of the consequences of being out of work for two weeks with NO PAY!!!

I am also reminded, though praise God I can and do not want to seem ungrateful, but I also realize that my insurance is NOT going to pay to correct this BECAUSE it is NOT interfering with my ability to breathe!! Yes, I would rather have a crooked nose than an inability to breathe correctly, but why should I have to choose?

Therefore, in the next nine to twelve months after they deem my bones "healed", my nose will become a matter of plastic surgery. Cosmetic. Jennifer Aniston, send me some money, please? Cause I added it up today, and we will not have that kind of money to toss around unless something GREATLY changes in the next 6-13 years because we have children to put through school. and I do know, that is more important than a crooked nose. I know that people will still love me despite, but it's despite, because they cannot see, or perhaps just don't know the difference?

Proof in point- I call Jackson over to me at mom and dad's today and say frankly, "Jackson, does my nose look straight?" He looks with this discerning look on his ace for a few seconds, cocks his head to the side, and says ... "NO"- and runs off to play.

The honesty of a child.

::::sigh::::