Friday, February 20, 2009

Happy Birthday Jordan

A year ago today, a sweet little bundle of joy come into our life. He was our great nephew #2, Jordan. I was already babysitting his big brother Braden full+ time. I was back in "toddlerland", well on my way back to "babyland". The house was babyproofed, we were stocked up with Cheerios and Goldfish crackers. We had a toybox in each room of the house, Braden had his own cabinet in the kitchen to plunder through. Due to mom being on maternity leave, Braden's paternal grandma volunteered to keep him part time while mom adjusted to "life with infant".

Three weeks later Jordan would join us full time as mom went back to work. Being an assistant convenience store manager, 70 hour weeks was not uncommon to us. The first day back, my having both of the boys while the kids were at school, while they were both napping, I fell off our back steps spraining my ankle. It was rough, thank the Lord the boys were asleep! A friend brought the kids home and mom come to get the boys a few hours later. It was agreed that paternal grandmother would keep Braden while my ankle healed.

Without having a distraction of toddler-like proportions, I was literally back in babyland. It was me and Jordan. Since mom opened the store most mornings, she would drop him off around 4:30 every morning. She had her own key so she would leave the sleeping bundle of preciousness in our bedroom so I would hear his little squeaks easier as he was a very quiet baby. Usually he would wake within the hour of his arrival. He had his own portabed, bouncyseat, and I even had an exersaucer for when he got bigger. I was so proud of mom pumping when she was away, she done her best- even fighting a case of mastitis that led to us supplementing with formula.

I was back to the whole routine that fit so well for me with my own two. Eat, burp, play, sleep. He was such a little guy. Hannah was petite for a girl, but Jordan was a lil fella, like a lil peanut. We were so in sync I could look at his face and tell you what he was up to- sleepy, hungry, gas, etc .. The most precious moments were him laying in the floor beside me as I would fold clothes. I loved watching him learn to focus on my face, learn how to toss his arms back and forth, and kick those legs. It seemed to take him longer to do those things than Hannah and Jackson, so it seemed that I found myself watching him closer.

Picking up the kids from school was fun. The both looked so forward to getting in the car and talking to him on the way home. Jackson had no problem playing the "entertainer". They both had been missing Braden anyway- so the baby was a nice distraction for them. We were all ready for Braden to come back as we noticed my ankle healing.

Friday, April 11th, I had plans to go to a local theater with my aunt as free tickets had fell in our laps. I had picked up my dad from work and brought him back to the house because Jordan's mom (our neice, Brandy) could take him home on her way home, after picking up the baby that evening. She had not gotten there when it was time for me to leave right after supper, so I leaned over and kissed lil bit on the top of his soft- almost bald head and told him I would see him Monday, as mom was supposed to have the weekend off.

Little did I know ....

Monday morning I woke on my own about 7:45. I got up and walked through the house to get my coffee started, and spoke to Jay. That night I had had a horrible, HORRIBLE feeling dream. I mentioned it as I was going back in the bedroom to Jay. My dream was more about a distinct feeling rather than a vivid memory of the visual.

I remember it being as if, in my sleep, I was physically feeling like every nerve in my body was being electrocuted on a low wattage, just enough for you to be alert enough to know something is WRONG. I remember screaming to whoever would listen in my dream, that something BAD was about to happen- that I did not know what it was, but it was happening SOON and it was very, Very, VERY bad. It was one of those dreams where you wake up the next morning thinking "Oh man, I'm so tired..." cause the dream took so much energy from you. very intense.

Jay's phone rang about 8:10. I remember sitting on the bed and him coming in the room saying "it's your sister, it's not good, do you want to talk to her?", I told him to tell her I'd call her back, because I knew I can handle bad news coming from Jay better than her. Brandy woke up that morning to start getting ready for work as she had a mid shift that day. Jordan had a restless night, and she had him sleeping on his side in the bed with her. She went to wake him up, to find that sometime between 4am and then, he had died in his sleep. His face was blue.

Final verdict was accidental death. His head had turned down, causing his trachea to bend over like a straw, because infants do not have the cartilage around their windpipes to protect that from happening. His neck muscles were not strong enough for him to lift his head up for him to be able to get air. By far, that ranks way up there with the "worst days of my life".

to be continued ...

The first thing I ever made in Photoshop (and not a reflection of things I'm doing now, lol)


  1. this really hit home with me since he and emma had the same birthday. i prayed so hard for his mommy during that time and still do whenever i think of her!

  2. Thank you for praying for her, Amanda. She still does need a lot of prayer!