Thursday, December 18, 2008

Finding perspective

I woke up with such happy news. My BFF had called to let me know that in the past six days since we've spoke, she found a house and purchased it. Not just any house, but a really AWESOME house, perfectly fit for her growing family for some $30k LESS than the asking price. That, my friends, is a happy wake up call.

Then J had some not so good news ... that explains the prayer warrior comment on my Facebook page. I won't say anything about it, but the Lord knows what it is and that's most important. If you're the praying type, this situation needs prayer. Big time. I will say, a big component is someone needs salvation. If that happened, the situation would be much better. But the prayers said this morning helped, so for those who saw the comment and did pray, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

So I get up while talking to my BFF on the phone, make me some coffee, we get off the phone and I do my bible reading. The day, while rocky with the not so good news- was still in the positive because I'm so happy for my BFF and her awesome new house. After reading I get online, and catch up on posts at the Frugal Kitchen. Then I check in at the staff board to find the news ...

One of my online friends' baby has had cancer for the past year. He turned 2 in September. (See his pics) He was dx'd this time last year. Things were looking so positive just two weeks ago, but, it happened. The cancer is back, and it is here .. to stay. For my new friends who might not know, my great nephew passed in his sleep in April at seven weeks. I watched him while his mom worked from 3 weeks, had him anywhere from 60-70 hours a week. It has been a HARD year, very emotional, and really- just in the past couple of months have I allowed myself to start processing it.

This year, I got to know a little baby named Gracie, who was basically born with half of a heart. She went home to be with the Lord in October. Through her mother's posting, I have found a lot of healing in regards to the spiritual perspective of losing an infant. I've also been dealing with a lot of guilt that, this mother had to watch her child fight for her life for eight months, and bury her, for me to findthe healing I need through her testimony in how she handled it all.

However, it is NOT FAIR. I'm an emotional rollar coaster right now. Parents should NOT have to bury their children. Babies should NOT be buried. I read my friend's site, and see how they're planning her ds's life celebration, and just think- parents should NOT have to do this. It's NOT FAIR. YES I'm upset! Babies should not have cancer! Or should they? What is really better? For him to grow up and possibly never know the Lord personally, and face death then, or face it at two years old and go straight into the arms of Jesus?

Really. How do you put death into perspective? How do you keep your heart from breaking thinking about losing an infant or child? How do you put into perspective that a parent must worry about their child's pain level? Why does this have to happen? Will it really make sense when I get to heaven and ask the Lord about it?

I think I need to go reread my post about Amanda's wisdom again. Oh, that reminds me. I forgot to ost it here. I meant to, really. I promise. As a matter of fact, I'm going to go get it and post it before this post.

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