Thursday, December 18, 2008

Amanda wisdom

from December 10th-

Amanda wrote on Gracie's Blog again today. Her words about ^Gracie^ resonate so much with how I have been feeling about ^Jordan^ and working through my own grief. I feel horrible that someone losing their own child, has actually helped me deal with my own grief with my great nephew.

Some of her post today:

Yes, God has a wonderful plan for every life. But, we may never understand reasons why He does things and that’s where I have the trouble. I want an answer! I want to see the end result. Not only from my losing a child…but in my ministry…in my life. I want to see what God is doing right now.

I want every wrong to be made right--right now! If I have to live right, I want everyone to live right! My heart is too tender to deal with any more hurt. The fact that I stood next to my precious little girl’s body in a cold casket should make everyone want to be right to me!

But, that’s not how life is. If I am a believer, I have to trust God in the midst of an evil and cold world--in the midst of what seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel--in the midst of unanswered questions--and empty arms. Even if years go by and we don’t see why…I have to believe that God is good and fair in all.

.... I still don’t have an answer as to why everything that took place in 2008 did.

But, the Holy Spirit answers every charge I throw at Him with a “still, small voice” and I have to accept that answer for now. What the devil wants is for me to not be satisfied with the answers for now and forsake it all! ....

... But, the trusting the Lord as Saviour doesn’t end at Salvation…it is a continual-blind-unknowing-not understanding--honored and suffering kind of trust. The other day, I read in the Psalm where David was having trouble with evil men-a wicked world, and what seemed to be a despondent God. Then David said, “ I HAD FAINTED, UNLESS I HAD BELIEVED TO SEE THE GOODNESS OF THE LORD IN THE LAND OF THE LIVING.” In spite of my questions, I have to believe to see the goodness of the Lord in the land around me--even when the devil says He is not. Otherwise, I will faint.

***David goes on to say, “Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord. ...

Such wisdom in those words. Gracie was about a month younger than Jordan. When I look at he rpictures I can't help but think to myself how they would have been about the same size. He was so tiny when we lost him, such a little fella. I look at Gracie and think of all the suffering she endured in her short little life, and can't help but wonder- what kind of "bullet" did Jordan miss by the Lord taking him home like he did? Was there one? Or was he sent here for those short weeks to teach us something? The only thing I've learned is unbelievable grief, but Amanda is right, His grace is sufficient, that's for sure!!


  1. What a precious little 'Gracie'. Goodness, you are right, what would we do without His sufficient grace in our own lives?

    I was only in North Carolina for a weekend conference, in Charlotte. But I had my first taste of grits and sweet tea...and I will never be the same again!

    I LOVED the southern drawl I heard and the friendliness of the people there. You have to understand, I live in California...enough said.

  2. LOL @ the drawl, that I do have. I've had yankees ask me to slow down when talking so they could understand me better, LOL!!