Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Why Lord?

I just received an email, Sheila, one of my very first online buddies-turned-IRL friends, went home to be with the Lord the night of February 22nd. She died in her sleep. One of her co workers just went through her emails at her work address this morning replying to everything with the news. I looked up her obituary and it shared no information, really. two lines.

I'm personally floored as I counted Sheila as a good friend. I've known her since I was pregnant with Hannah (eight years). We met during a staff chat for iVillage.com- both of us were community leaders for one of the parenting boards then. The first night we were both in the room and realized we lived two hours from each other we were insant buddies.

She has been to my home, been to my church ... My family has spent time with her and her family; through last year as she had appointments in my city we would meet for lunch. When Jordan died she was here in a heartbeat and met B and me for lunch. She was a dear friend and will be greatly missed :.....o(

The thing is, the past few months we only shared quick, non lengthy emails- just enough to check in. I happened to look on the board where we met that I used to lead, and noticed a post from her (she rarely posted, if ever, in the past year there) ... her last post was the 19th, three days before she passed. She didn't say much, only that they had just had to put their oldest daughter in a girl's home. Needless to say- their family was already under a great deal of trials. They need a lot of prayer.

She posted because one of the current leaders had noticed her "last visit" date was recent, and had posted a shout out to her and she replied. She would not have posted then if she was not posted "to" in the first place. Amazing, that I even happened to be on that board to see that last week.

Last year, Spring revival was great. It was a wonderful revival- last year it was in April. The last night I had got to bring Jordan to church with me that Wednesday. The following Monday we lost him. Now this year, we're not even through with revival and I feel like I'm back to square one- losing a loved one all over again! Why, Lord? I've always remembered that if you don't learn the lessons God is trying to teach you, He will bring you full circle back to the same thing until you "get" what He's trying to teach you.

What did I miss last year?

In reality I know Sheila's death is not about me. I realize that. But it affects me. I know she was saved. She might not had been walking close with the Lord, but her salvation I do not doubt. I know she's with the Lord. Thing is, she was only 35 years old! Again, death knows no age! She left a 17 year old daughter, a 12 year old daughter and a 8 year old son. and a husband.

I'm just so sad ...


  1. I stumbled on your site by way of Simple Reflections only to find such sadness. My heart reaches out in prayer for you..there is nothing so sad as the loss of someone you love..and you have lost two very close together.

    I wish I had a magic formula but the only formula I know is "when you can not see His hand, trust His heart". I lost the love of my life tragically after a four year honeymoon. I can say, there is a time to mourn. I will be praying for you in the days and weeks ahead. It sounds like you had a special connection to your friend.