495: Gratituesday: July 14th

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Today is huge. Just HUGE. Many months of prayers was answered last night. Unexpectedly, no less. Not an actual specific "God make this specific thing happen this way ...", no, I've learned not to limit my God that way, with my personal expectations. I know he can exceed them and part of the joy of being His child is waiting to see what He will do in our lives- even when we do not deserve it. That's the bigger praise today. God chooses to bless us, even though we continually fall short of what we want to be for Him! He brings a peace upon us that ONLY he can bring. You can walk into an easy situation believing it is God, when in reality, it is fleshly security that our minds find in situations that we dismiss as God's peace. So right now, even though I am positive God answered a ton of month's worth of prayers last night, and I am so grateful for the opportunity that's been presented before us, I'm still seeking his total peace on the situation.

Have you ever heard the saying "if it's to good to be true... then it is"? That's what's happening right now. Our kids are back in Christian school, despite a recession in the economy. Our bills are being paid, despite Jay's being demoted a few months ago. We have WONDERFUL landlords. We had an awesome turnout at our yard sale last week to meet school bills. The kids and I had a terrific vacation last week for a lot less money than we expected. What more could we ask for? Then a call comes in last night. Traditionally, I would chalk that call up as too good to be true. There's a catch somewhere. Truly, I would. However, I see God's hand in this. I see what he's done over the past number of months. I see how he has placed every piece of this puzzle perfectly in place for us, and even though I know I see this, it seems like I am outside of myself asking "is this really happening? why us? we've done nothing to deserve this." and we don't, but by the grace of God this is happening.

What's happening? I can't tell :p~~~ but rejoice with me, you'll find out in due time! It's HUGE!

Meanwhile keep an eye out, I have a GREAT giveaway coming up. Do you like mystery books? What would you think about a Christian murder mystery?

Memorial Day thoughts

I visited my friend Amanda's blog today (actually, it's her daughter's blog), and found the most wonderful Memorial Day thoughts in today's message. So you may easily view it, I'm going to post it here because her posts cannot be indidividually linked to and it will eventually get buried after a few months:

Throughout the years...

How many little ones have told their mommies that they wanted to be soldiers?

How many of those little ones grew up and did just that?

It's easy to "clump" them together--because it takes so many hundreds of thousands for a victory.

But, behind each one of those soldiers...

are a mom and dad.

Hopes, dreams, health, strength....

Sacrificed in a moment.

These were not "sick babies" unexpected to live.

These were not "cancer cursed" bodies.

These were strong and healthy men and women--
who gave all.

Talking, walking, smiling, living--and in seconds--gone forever.

For me.

For you.

For my Haddon and Gracie.

For my protection and safety.

For my freedom.

For our future.....

even though they never knew us....

What a sacrifice for others!

What a story of hope to cling to!

We must not take our freedom for granted...

FOR IT CAME WITH A PRICE.

I can talk about the Lord Jesus and His sacrifice freely...

Because of the price they paid for my freedom.

They gave all.

Mommies and daddies gave all.

Wives and children gave all....

**Many graves will be visited today. Many memories will return of those little ones sitting on their mommy's knee saying how they wanted to be a soldier when they grow up...

Many mothers will go and talk to a stone today with silent tears and sadness.

Yes, to die is such a loss...

But, to not die in vain--what joy!

When we know that their loss teaches us of Him....

Gracie is remembered because of her life and how she

showed God's power.

Our soldiers are a beautiful picture of the sacrifice of Christ

for us all.

There is no better example of the sacrifice of Jesus for us as the sacrifice of our soldiers.

For freedom.

Freedom for today--

and freedom from fear of tomorrow....because

Jesus paid it all.

Many of the early victories our soldiers won were fought with the guidance of the Lord on the battlefield.

Today...we still need Him! To guide our leaders, to fight our battles, to comfort our hearts when we lose those we love.

Without Him--what cause would we even fight for?

LET MEMORIAL DAY BE A MEMORIAL TO THOSE WHO GAVE ALL...AND TO JESUS CHRIST.

I do strongly encourage you to visit her blog, and learn about her precious daughter Gracie. Gracie was born a month after Jordan, and lived six months longer. Her testimony is nothing short but amazing as God showed His amazing power through this "heart baby".

Gratituesday 2-17

Jay got a truck! We've been working off of one vehicle for a good while now. He drives 30 minutes to work one way, but he's needed his own vehicle to be able to do the traveling that is involved with his job. It's hard with one car cause we have to depend on others to get the kids to and from school, and I don't like really having to call on my parents much for help.

SO! after much praying for the Lord to open the right doors, he led Jay to the perfect "little pickup truck", exactly what he wanted. As you can see the body is in great condition (it's a '96 model, so I was very impressed!).



It was a little more than what we were wanting to spend, but it was exactly what Jay wanted. Jay went to talk with the man at a local used car place close by our church. He come down $500 and offered to finance $1000 interest free for six months :-O Jay took the deal then the Lord provided the $1000 from out of the blue, so we literally got the truck for the price we were praying for! PTL!

and it has a back seat for the kids, and the interior is impeccable (10X better than my '05 model!)






The engine, this is supposed to be really important. It's very clean. I'll admit, for an engine, it's very pretty ;) but he made a big deal about it so I took a picture, lol



and it has a bug guard (which, I'm thinking will be a good thing going out through "the country" (lol) during hunting season?); the back has a bed liner, too ... I got so tickled at Jackson. He said "Now we don't have to stuff the deer in the trunk anymore daddy!" LMBO!
Later Jay went to assure me he has never put a deer in MY trunk, which I knew, but he forgot his former car in which they did- indeed- carry a deer in the trunk to BIL's house one time when they went hunting together. :p



I like the wheel covers myself-


The happy couple~

(I did not realize how red my hair looked in the sun! now I know my photo editing sharpened it a little but even before that ... whoa! it's darker in other pics...)

Peace in times of crisis, part 2

Part One of this series happened in August of 2006.

In early April of 2007, there was another crisis. Until now I did not realize just how close the two incidences happened together. It had been raining off and on all day, and I was working full time outside of the home. I had picked up the kids from school, grabbed dinner through drive thru and we got home about 6:30 that evening. The gas company was supposed to have turned our gas on while we were at work, so I went straight inside to get the heat going because- it had been cold and rainy all day! Having noticed the gas company van at our next door neighbor's house on the way in my driveway, as soon as I realized the gas as NOT on, my thoughts went to catching the gas company guy before he left our neighbor's. The way our luck was going, if we called the company and it being after hours they would have tried charging some stupendous charge for sending someone out, even though it was their fault.

Before heading next door, I had called Jay to tell him they hadn't turned it on. I hung up the phone, put my coat back on, and went outside. I jogged across our (somewhat large) yard towards the road, because there's a ditch surrounded by woods that goes all the way, and just as I went between the trees and the large shrub bush by our driveway, my feet left the ground, I felt a feeling that told me I was in the air, and as soon as that thought went through my mind, somehow, I was FEET away from where I thought I was, going face first into the gravel driveway that divides our property and our next door neighbor's property (see below).



My face hit, my arms were above my head, then my elbows hit the driveway after my head snapped backwards one time and I pushed up about an inch- just enough that I did not smack my face a second time ... because the first time- I heard - not felt - but I HEARD my nose break. I took two semi deep breaths, and by then, the adrenaline was pumping BIG time. I raised my head to see blood on the gravel. I pushed myself to my knees, pulled my cell phone out of my skirt pocket and called my parents. All I could get out was "come get me, I've broke my nose". I got up, prayed "Lord help me" and walked to my neighbor's house, not thinking the bleeding was really that bad. I knew I had to have scruffed my nose up cause it stung on the end, but I was able to ask the gas company guy if he could come over and turn on our gas if he didn't mind.

I remember wondering why Mr Wilson, who I had never met close up, just waved in passing (since we had only lived in this house three months at that point), and the gas guy, was looking at me as if I had a third eyeball.
Mr Wilson went inside and got his wife and some paper towels, and she walked me back to our house asking me repeatedly if I was sure she didn't need to stay. I assured her my parents only lived five miles away, and they were on their way, so after finding that out she went home. I got inside, about ten minutes after the hit, and went to look in the mirror. I could not close my mouth, not really out of pain at the moment, but because my jaw felt shifted and it physically would not shut.

I remember seeing gray spots on the end of my nose, and seeing the base of my nose starting to swell, and my eyes starting to puff up. Jackson and Hannah were the only ones there besides "the gas guy"- later to learn was also the father in law of one of my co workers! Hannah was five, Jackson was eight at the time. Jackson was following the gas guy around, but Hannah having actually looked at me, went into mother hen mode like she never had before in her life. I honestly believe that the spirit was guiding her, because she was able to follow directions during that time that she otherwise I don't believe would have been able to. Simple things, but things she had never seen done or had to do before.

It didn't take me but a minute of looking in the mirror before I was dizzy, and Hannah helped me to Jay's recliner in the livingroom. The foot rest being broken, Hannah fought and pulled it out herself so I could lay back, per her directions. She was the one thinking clearly and rationally, my five year old! She went and got a washcloth for the bleeding, and I told her to wet it- which she promptly did, and brought it back- NOT soaking wet, either!
I held it across my face, but did not feel anything, so she took it and put it in the freezer while she wet some paper towels for the meantime. She stood by the chair, rubbing my head, calmly, not worriedly, asking me if I was ok. I assured her maw maw and paw paw were on their way. I did not realize the gas guy stood outside until they got there because he was fearful of leaving me there before another adult was there. By that time, I was actually wondering where they were, because they should have been there by then! It had been a good twenty minutes.

So while I was laid up in the chair, I called my boss and left a message on her cell. I called my BFF, and asked if she would come over to be with the kids. Then I called Jay, to tell him what happened, lol I look back and think how amazing it was, that I was even able to make those calls, but by the grace of God!
We did not realize it but fortunately, Jay was two hours away on business when all that happened. I say fortunately because I cannot tell you how many times I had to tell the story of what happened. I later learned it was probably done because of the severity of the break (three places), they were trying to be sure it was not domestic violence. We actually started joking about Jay being two hours away on work with ten witnesses that were there when he got my call of what happened! Finally, a doctor concluded for my file: "tripped on grass".

All I can say is, it takes skill to do that- cause I don't even remember how I done it!
The neighbor's driveaway did though-



About thirty minutes after the call, mom and dad come flying in the house to learn what happened. When I called, they thought I was my then 20 year old neice calling them to come get her cause she broke her toe. (LOL) They drove six miles the opposite way of my house to her house, knocking on their door, trying to get someone to answer. My nephews were confused because my neice wasn't even at home! Then they told each other "Maybe it was Wendy then ..." and headed over to my house thinking I had broke my toe and was being dramamatic.
They learned different before they reached my door because Mrs. Wilson was waiting for them with the gas guy outside :) She explained what happened before they come in.

So Hannah and Jackson kissed me by, and mom and I headed to the ER while dad stayed behind with the kids to wait for my BFF to come over. Mom stayed with me until Jay was able to get there. X Rays, CT scans ... two mega vicotin ... and six hours later we made it home to a spic and span kitchen (BFF is a big time nester), and but for the vicotin I was hurting something BAD. Not only the break but they actually had to tweeze fragments of gravel out of the end of my nose where it was embedded in my skin. The whole time I never really worried, the pain was horriffic, but God gave me the grace to bear it. My health insurance with my employer had just kicked in a month prior almost to the day. Thousands of dollars that one night, and with the following surgery a week later.

The surgery was worse than the break. I can't help but to wonder if it wasn't for the fact I had so much adrenaline pumping the night of the accident it soothed some of the pain? I'm not sure. I do know, that God calmed my soul, and he directed my daughter in a time that could have been a LOT worse than what it was. He showed me that night he put us beside one of the most kindest neighbors one could ask for in Mrs. Wilson. A couple of days later she brought over a homemade lemon poundcake (ahhhhhh!) and visited for a little bit. Since then she's become a precious friend of ours. I cannot help but to believe he had Jay out of town that day to avoid the potential accusation of abuse that could have happened during that season. All in all, the peace was unimaginable. The whole thing seems surreal now. It's one thing to break an arm, your foot, but when you're talking about your face, for me that's a completely different ballgame! I just thank the Lord everything turned out for the positive. To Him be the glory.

Update on us

It's been a bit crazy here since Christmas, really. You might remember my waking the day after with a sore throat resulting in a doctor's visit that Saturday for them to say, strep throat. That took its toll. I thought I was doing better for the pain to come back horribly the next weekend, along with a migraine.
The next week Hannah started getting sick, but we thought she'd be ok. Days after, she started a cough, and I started feeling bad again. We went to the Dr later that week, for her to have an upper respiratory infection, and me to have both ears "this close" to being infected, and a sinus infection.
A couple days later, Jay started feeling bad, resulting in a very sore throat and fever. That was last week- Jackson started feeling crummy Saturday, running a low grade fever Sunday, and 102o fever Monday (yesterday). Hannah was home today with a belly ache and chesty coughing.

We've been a little busy ;o)

As a result, my blogging has suffered. For that, I apologize. This week I hope to do better. Not only my blogging, but I have been unable to spend time on the forum I host, Frugal Kitchen. If this is a topic that interests you, please come by and chat a little with us. It's been somewhat quiet lately! You'll need to register with iVillage, but it's free and they don't bite *g*
Not only has my online stuff lagged, but the house looks horrible (again!) Just as I was getting things straightened again, I'm in bed for a weekend and it looks like a tornado ran through it. Does this happen to anyone else? Or is it the fact the house isn't organized enough as it is that it only takes the slightest negelect for all the blocks to come falling down?

Jay's busy as ever working up a storm. He was home for two days last week (or was it three with the holiday?) so he's been playing catchup there. It can take a lot out of him too bless his heart. I can only imagine coming back to my inbox to find 400 emails, and know I couldn't go through and delete half of them right off the bat! :-O We've been discussing health insurance and I did not realize just how cheap his company is, but they really are!
We cannot afford to be insured through their carrier, so I'm going to have to look for a private family policy that is within our price range- that would actually cover maternity as well. We could probably afford private insurance without maternity, but who really wants to get into that kind of bind knowing your births cost $30k+? Then again, what are we doing now?

Jackson is doing better ... sort of. His perspective is getting better. He's had a lot of trouble adjusting to their new school. (They started a charter school after attending a private Christian school every year beforehand.) His grades have went from straight A's to Bs and Cs on average :( It's not the material, it's obvious he knows it because he aces all of his tests. His "NWEA" testing is high as well.
{NWEA's is the tests his school has to give students at the beginning of the year to measure where the student are academically, then they test mid year and end of year to prove they're actually teaching the students and accomplishing academic goals. If they cannot prove this, they lose funding and the school is closed, basically.}

It seems like he has a large workload, at home. So our challenge has been trying to find out the balance, and keeping him motivated to do his work at home. His health is showing his stress over this, in that his attendance has suffered due to him getting sick more often than usual. We've had some problems with him having hours worth of work at home, and he's been spent on the topic of homework. I've been spent at the idea of him being at school all day and coming home to have to work for two hours on homework! But after watching him more closely, he's not using his time wisely at home so that's our focus right now- keeping him focused.

I've counseled with a wise sister in Christ about this problem and she suggested incentives last week. I've never been one big on incentives with school work because my view generally is, they should do well in school because that's their job. Daddy goes to work every day for a paycheck, that's his job. Kids go to school each day, to get an education, so one day they'll be able to get a job and make money. BUT~ at this point, I'm open. So tonight, I told him if he got his homework done in an hour or less, we'd give him $3 a day. (I realize that might be excessive, but I figure after the good habit is formed, we'll work extra duties into the $3 total.) Whaddya know- he done it tonight. Score! Praise the Lord. He didn't have time to really complain, either ;)

He's made me proud, though.
He has really held up his standards at the new school and refuses to lower them. SO much, he's friends with everyone, but close with none of them. There's one girl in his class that went to the old school that was in his k4 class, and he talks to her, but since he's resolved not to really have girl-friends (as buddies), they only talk so much. He's talked to all of the boys enough to conclude NONE of them are saved, so while he talks a lot with one boy, his discernment tells him a close friendship is not possible because they don't share the same values.
This is all him- all I've done is listen to him. I give God the glory for this! Of course this is not to say when he gets older he might become close with a child that is not saved and following Christ (and be able to handle it), but his convictions right now are different.

Another area of growth I've seen in him is music.
He's gotten an interest in skateboarding, and is an avid youtube fan. Looking up youtube videos related to skateboarding, apparently some are clips put together to music. We were watching some the other night and he was looking at the titles and said "This is good but let me turn the volume down because I don't like the music" ... when the opening credits come up, the music was "TnT" by AC/DC. He was right, the video was really neat, even without the music. Same with his video games. He got a new skateboarding game, and looked up in the owners manual how to turn off the music and the talking. The speech wasn't profane, but had "filler" phrases he knows are unsuitable and he knew so.

My heart has been so blessed to see him make these decisions and guard his heart in this way. He is however ready to go back to private Christian school and has said so many, many times. The main thing he says he misses is Bible class each day (and chapel). I told him we could do something similar at home and he assures me it's not the same ;o) I pray the Lord will give us discernment and open some doors so at least he can get back there for next year- even if I have to drive to two schools each day!

Hannah auditioned last week for the school talent show. She sang the"Cuppycake song". She got a callback for a second audition. However- the note said the chosen song must be 2-3 minutes long. Cuppycake isn't! Oh no! We're trying to find a song she has sang in the past she can sing for the second audition. The only one we can think of is the song from the '06 CCS Heritage Program theme song "America, turn back to God"- but she's forgotten the words right offhand and we'd need to get the music somehow- by next Tuesday! Any Calvary friends reading this- any ideas?
Other than that, she's doing GREAT. She made all "4"s on her report card, and it comes so naturally for her. She really loves her teachers, and the assistant has said she really shines, and is an excellent example to her friends.
I was playing in Photoshop with a picture I took of her right after Christmas and it turned out really good, don't you think? I'm using that graphic as my signature on Frugal Kitchen :o)

She made me proud this weekend. She spent the weekend with my mom and dad, and they went shopping. Mom told her to pick out a Barbie video she wanted so she was choosing very carefully, looking at every one, mom said. She does this, too- she's not a child who when let loose in a toy store picks the first flashy thing that catches her eye! Mom pointed out a newer one, 'Barbie Diaries', and mom said she looked it over, and was looking at the back of the cover when she said "Maw maw, I don't want to get this one. It says it has rock music in it and I don't listen to rock music" and she handed it back! My parents had no idea of the kind of music the kids preferred, and seeing I used to constantly listen to rock - mom apparently assumed we still did. It floored her but she didn't push. (Just like when they went clothes shopping, my parents have learned- Hannah will NOT wear pants! ;)

So the Lord's showing me, that if we just pay attention, we'll know how our kids are really doing just through the little things. Praise Him!!

I must go, Jay just brought food in. Hope everyone is well!!

Peace in times of crisis, part 1

When Jackson was in the first grade (he's in fourth now), the first week of school he broke his arm. Oh, but to know my overachiever child. He didn't just "break" his arm, he literally broke both of the bones in his right forearm in HALF. No he didn't mean to do it but we always pick on him when he does something he does it "big".

I remember that day so clearly, like it was yesterday. We were living in our apartment, and the playground was right across from our building. I could sit on our front balcony and watch the kids play. This day my nephew was over visiting, and being nine, I let both kids go with him to the playground. I was in the hallway sorting laundry, and our neighbor in the building across from us knocked on the door. It was August, so I had the big door open with the screen up in the storm door. He called my name as he was knocking.

I went to the door and he said "I think Jackson has broke his arm", and as he started talking I saw Jackson coming up the stairs with his cousin helping him, Hannah, three and a half at the time, tagging along behind them. Jackson was crying, but not outrageously crying at that point. He looked at me and as he said "mommy my arm" he went to lift it, and two inches from above his wrist, down, did not raise with the rest of his arm- his hand was separated from his arm, holding by skin, and the fact that the bones broke diagonally so there was that keeping the skin below the break and above the break from actually making a 90o angle.

I took one look, looked at our neighbor, and said "can you stay with him out here a minute?", he said yes, and that was when I went outside of myself and the Lord took over through my body. It sounds funny to read that, but really, that is what it was like. By myself, I would not have been able to stay calm as I saw my son's arm broke in half, already turning purple within minutes of the accident. The accident? His cousin pushed him as he was going across the monkey bars, he fell, and his arm was 90o to the ground, and the impact of his body on his arm caused it to snap.

As I turned around from my neighbor, I reached for my phone, called Jay and said "stop what you're doing, Jackson has broke his arm we're headed for the hospital right now". Jay, being Jay, says "are you sure it's broken?", to whcih I answer "I'm looking at it, and his hand is dangling from the rest of his arm", and he said "Okay, I'll meet you there". As I go to grab my keys and a towel, all I could say was "Lord, help me ...", and he did. By then our neighbor was helping him back down the stairs to my car, the mother of the other little boy they were playing with was taking my nephew and Hannah to her apartment, we get him settled in the back seat, and off we go.

I call my sister to tell her what happened, and God gave me the grace to have that conversation (may He have the glory for that), as that was not a time for conflict resolution between the kids, I just needed to let her know what was going on so she knew where her son was as I was babysitting while she worked. Jackson was crying louder now as the adrenaline was starting to wear and the pain was starting to settle in. I was captive in my own front seat driving when all I wanted to do was take him in my arms and "make it all better", maybe even cry with him a little.
However, as I was talking calmly to him, and he was still semi rational, it dawned on me. I needed to look at the road, instead of in the back seat. The whole time I know I was praying under my breath, I believe that was the only way I was really remembering to breath. As I was talking as soothingly as I could, the Lord led me to call one of my friends (a good friend) in another state. We had prayed a number of times on the phone and she has a VERY soothing voice, especially when she prays. I called her, and put her on the phone with Jackson. They had spoken before, she wasn't a stranger at all to him.

The sobs stopped as soon as he got on the phone with her. She prayed with him the rest of the ride to the hospital, about fifteen minutes. THAT is a good friend! He was SO calm, and SO settled after that, it was nothing short but the work of God.

It was peace, in a time of crisis, for this mother.
Stay tuned for part two this Wednesday :)

Happy Birthday Jackson!

Today is Jackson's tenth birthday. I shared some about his birth in this post. What I didn't share was what happened mid pregnancy. To appreciate the drama in this story, you must understand the background, too.

You see, I did not have a biological brother. My sister and I were my parents' only children. I met my "brother" when I was ... I guess around the fifth grade. He was a boy in my neighborhood, that I did not know even lived there until I was around that age, when my parents started not- minding that I ride my bike off of our street (he was around the corner). He was a couple of years older than me, and was an only child. Since my sister is 12 1/2 years older than me, I grew up practically as an "only", too. He took me under his wing- taught me to do tricks with my bike like riding down a hill with no hands (he tried teaching me how to do that and pedal as well, but we decided my girlie bike just "stunk", lol). He taught me how to throw a baseball and catch it, how to swing with a bat and hit. how not to be afraid of his pitches even though they seemed mighty close to me, lol

He taught me how to dribble a basketball, shoot and make a basket. He taught me that I was not cut out to play basketball ;o) although we still played when he wanted to. He taught me to not be afraid of big dogs besides my own. He taught me how to light a match and burn styrofoam (shhh, don't tell my parents!), and ultimately, my first roasted marshmellow come from us playing with fire in his "clubhouse", LOL He taught me that some boys are just stupid (case in point the boy that lived on the street behind mine). He taught me that some people are just ignorant and cannot see beyond the nose on their face (case in point, the guy that lived a few houses down from him, I don't even remember his name now.)

This was all before I hit eighth grade. During that time he become heavily involved in his church's AWANA program, and my faint recollection of that time was he decided that he was going to be a preacher when he grew up. I remember a single conversation in his driveaway, him asking me if I believed in God. He was the first person to ever witness to me, looking back.

In high school, he taught me to never let a boy physically hurt me. There was a certain boy I liked that did, and when it happened in front of him once, it did not happen again. He saw to it. Later in high school- he protected me. I remember a night at Myrtle Beach (in my BC days - Before Christ); when I ended up at his hotel room drunk ... very drunk ... and although the rest of that night was quite the blur for me, I do remember him threatening his friends to leave me alone and not to come near me ;o) He protected me from myself, lol

He was there for prom. I went to the prom my freshman year with my senior boyfriend, and he is there- in my pictures. Yep- he come down to my house in his tux to see me off for the prom- the same one he was going to as he was a Junior, LOL

He was my brother.
So as an adult, not growing up with a real relationship with my sister one because of the age differences, two because of her own life situations, the only sibling relationship I knew, was, to have a brother. and it was a blessed relationship, one that I treasure fondly. When faced with the fact I was going to be a parent, and have my own children, the thought went to birth order from time to time. Not as much, would I like a daughter, because yes, I wanted a daughter. I wanted twins, and I wanted one of each! That was my answer when people asked, before I went for my first ultrasound! OUr "official" answer was- we wanted a healthy child. Of course, right?

So the day of our ultrasound come. Jay and I had decided, that although his curiosity was great, and he wanted to know, that it would be impossible for him to know and me not know, so, when the nurse wrote down the sex of the baby and folded the piece of paper ... Jay sat there a minute, and threw the paper in the trash without looking. We decided to keep it a surprise. We were "Team Green" as I would later learn the term ;o)

My very next doctor's appointment went well. The ultrasound results were great, the baby was healthy, all was good. I walked out to the desk to make my next appointment, and there it was. The INSIDE of my folder...
I saw it at the same time she handed me my appointment card, I nodded, speechless, and tore out of the office. Jay jumped out of his chair and ran after me, I got to the car, we got in, and as soon as I sat down the tears started flowing ... and they flowed ... and they FLOWED. I probably sobbed uncontrollably for an HOUR before I could form the words to tell my poor, scared husband what was wrong!

That whole time poor Jay had a million thoughts run through his head, mainly, there was something wrong with the baby that the tech could not tell us when we were there for the ultrasound appointment. Thoughts raced through his mind of things that could be wrong, but he was confused because we counted one head, two arms, ten fingers, two legs, ten toes .... did other tests results come back he did not know of? Did the baby have a chromosomal abnormality? (My nephew has a deformed gene, and is handicapped.) Does it have three eyes that the doctor found that the tech missed? One kidney instead of two? What? What?? What??!!

He knew sitting at home wasn't going to help matters, he in his brilliance was thinking of distraction techniques, so we went to Lowes Hardware right down the road from my doctor's office to get me out in public and walking around. Cause you know, it's harder to cry in public ... unless you saw what I saw.

What did I see in my folder that caused such a strong reaction?
It was decked out in PINK.
Down to the pink baby bracelet with my last name on it!

It was at that moment, that instant moment when I saw the pink, that my heart of hearts acknowledged- I wanted a BOY!! It was a girl and I wanted a BOY! WHY did I want a boy?! Birth Order! Because I wanted my daughter to have a big brother! If I had a girl first, she could never have a big brother! I wanted my daughter to have a the biological relationship to a big brother that I had to my "adopted" big brother! If I bore a girl first, that would not happen!

What a horrible mother I was! That I was not happy but overwhelmingly distraught by the fact I had a perfectly healthy daughter inside of me, instead of a perfectly healthy SON!! I cried for three hours. THREE hours. There was more. Our family fought us tooth and nail, moreso my family, because we decided to not find out the sex. Many conversations and debates occured over that (we did not have good boundaries back then, lol). I was also upset, because NOW I "knew" the sex. One more argument that had been "lost", like it really mattered. So we kept our little fact a secret. Actually, my mother still not does know this story, LOL I don't think anyone does! My sister in law will, because she will likely read this at some point and call me ;o)

So on that great day that I birthed my first child by emergency c section, and as they went to pull him from my womb, my having spent three months making peace that my dream of my daughter, who was about to be born, would never have the biological big brother, not knowing if she would ever be as blessed as I was to have another male assume that position in her life .... having spent three months learning to love my daughter as much as I would a son in the grand scheme of things ....


as Jay watched them turning the baby around and around because the cord was around it's neck so tightly they had no choice but to move the baby instead of the cord, they exclaimed-

"IT'S A BOY!"

and what a wonderful big brother he is, too :o)

As far away from God as we were that night, he still gave me the desire of my heart.
Psalm 21:2
"Thou hast given him his heart's desire, and hast not withholden the request of his lips."

Bible reading and the growing Christian

I remember many years ago, our church was selling sets of cassette tapes (that long enough! well, say about eight years maybe?); the cassette tapes were readings of the whole bible. The idea was that by listening to the tapes, we would be able to listen (and subsequently read along) to the bible, and finish it in a year. That was the first time I heard of the idea of having that as a goal- reading the bible in a year.

In previous years I've never been a consistent bible reader. Yes, I did read my bible, but it was for specific studies I was doing. Not formal bible studies like I hear of people attending, but there always seemed to be a topic that would come up on a message board, and I knew in my heart and mind what the truth was, I just needed to seek God's Word to find it in the bible.
I would spend hours looking up passages, keywords in my computer bible program, reading passages in context; cross referencing passages. That's how I had my "growth spurts".

However, confessing my weaknesses, I suffer a chemical imbalance that makes me prone to bouts of depression. Not having consistent medical insurance over the years have led to a myriad of ups and downs for me spiritually, but I always seemed to come "out" spiritually more stable, more mature, in the end. Bible reading, daily, was never consistently in the picture. I always heard the preacher preach about it, how important it was, but it seemed like setting such a lofty goal would be, for me, to set myself up for disappointment.

Last year I committed myself to reading it in a year. I got off to a GREAT start, too. Little did I know, I would pull from the encouragement, hope, and strength those daily readings gave me as I got further in the year and challenging went to horrible. Little did I know, that things were ahead of me, that would cause me to have to refer back to my "go juice", daily readings in the Word when things were good, to sustain me when things were BAD (and they were.) That's how I got behind on last year's reading.

I spent the most part of latter Spring and half of the summer in a dazed fog, most of the time laying in bed just ... numb. I knew Jesus was with me, it was like he was walking behind me, keeping me going just enough to interact with the kids ... eat. Reading my bible was the last thing I thought about, but it was from what I had read before tragedy striked, I believe, that kept me going. It kept me thinking about God's promises. I had grown enough from that time of "good", when I was reading, that it kept me up when things were bad.

In recent years, though, the words of "Flylady" Marla Cilley (great things come from North Carolina!). She says "You are not behind- start right where you are!" and her wonderful "Keep in mind that your home did not get this way overnight and it is not going to get clean in a day." I would tell myself I did not get behind in my bible reading overnight and I'm not going to "catch it up" overnight, either. I would just pick up where I left off, in whereever in the bible I was reading at the time.

I know this is getting long ;o)
I say all of this, to make a point. In Psalms 1, a very simple chapter, I might add, it says:
2But his delight is in the law of the LORD; and in his law doth he meditate day and night.

3And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper.

If a tree is planted in a desert, does it have a chance of growing into a tall and mighty tree? Or will it remain a stick easily plucked up?
However, have you ever noticed a tree planted near rivers of water, how strong and DEEP it's roots take hold into the ground? How in the Spring, it's leaves are such a bright shade of green that you just have to stop and stare?

The verses in Psalms says that a Christian delights hisself in the "law of the Lord". For us in the here and now, that would be His Word. We should be happy to read His Word! That is how he communicates with us. Through His Word, and through the Holy Spirit that indwells every believer.

Verse 3 says that the Christian's fruit will be brought forth in due season. Like the tree planted by the water- it draws it's nourishment from the water. The water feeds it, and builds up it's strength. The water makes it strong so that it can withstand the weather that might beat against it. It's roots, because they are so deep into the ground, holds that tree strong, firmly planted, so it can stand against things that seek to harm it, or might damage it.

Had I not been rooted as deep as I was in God's Word last Spring, there might be no telling what would have become of me. I was at such a low point last year, it would not had taken much I don't think to tip that scale. Because I was rooted as deep as I was, it kept me from becoming bitter.

I'll be honest, if I can look back at 2008, and be able to say I did not become bitter against God because of everything that happened throughout the year- that's an accomplishment. My surviving 2008, and not becoming bitter, was my fruit in due season. I had NO idea when everything was coming at us in steady waves of hurt, loss, disappointment, hard decisions, fear ... that the years of reading God's Word beforehand, and especially the months before, had prepared me to withstand the weather that was beating against us, like it beats against that strong and mighty tree planted by rivers of water.

I think of these verses:
1 Corinthians 16:13
"Watch ye, stand fast in the faith, quit you like men, be strong."

Ephesians 6:10
"Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might."

2 Timothy 2:1
"Thou therefore, my son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus."

lastly-
1 John 2:14
"I have written unto you, fathers, because ye have known him that is from the beginning. I have written unto you, young men, because ye are strong, and the word of God abideth in you, and ye have overcome the wicked one."

Is everything going good in your life right now? Then that is all the reason to committ to being in God's Word regularly- because there might be a day in 2009, when you are going to need the echos of the verses to read today, to come across your mind then.

Are you going through a time of stress or trouble these days? Now is the time to draw closer to the Lord, to dig deeper into His Word as if you are planting yourself deep into your faith, so that you will not waver and fall when you think about things around you. Reading the Word and being close to Him, will strengthen you to overcome the challenges you are facing now. You won't feel like you are growing into a more mature Christian, a stronger Christian, but when the time comes, you will be able to look back and say "Wow ... what a long way I've come.", and you'll be able to bring glory to the Lord through your testimony.

Christmas Miracles

I first heard this story Christmas Eve on Fox News. Everytime I see it mentioned it brings a tear to my eye to think of the miracle that happened with that young girl.

What's interesting is the reactions of the news reporters reporting the story. We as Christians know angels exist, but what about unbelievers? How do they explain this? ya know? It makes me think of the simple story earlier this month about the little girl who asked Santa to bring her daddy home from Iraq. He cares so much for us, even the little ones he answers prayer.

Ironically? Both of these stories are out of North Carolina (where I live) ;)

I hope you have a Happy New Year! Stay safe!

New Years, memories

Do you have plans for New Years Eve/Day?
As of now I have no idea what we'll be doing. We'll be childless, though- the kids are headed to Alabama for a spontaneous trip with MIL to go see her mother. My babies are gone! :( They'll be back on Friday, which is Jackson's 10th birthday. We're planning his party for Saturday, a food fight! :D

This time of the year always brings me back to when I was pregnant with him. It was such a fun, peaceful pregnancy despite the 52lb weight gain ;) I cooked allllll day long New Years day, ham, collard greens, black eyed peas ("traditional" southern New Years food). I started contracting at 4pm. If I had known that 10pm "weird" contraction was him actually flipping into breach position he could have been born before midnight and been a New Years Baby, but that wasn't God's plan for him. The cord would wrap around his neck twice, and he would be without oxygen until he was born at 4:32am.

I had a fill-in doctor that did not really want to be bothered with a first time mother's concerns that night. He hung up on me around 2am with the words "do NOT come to the hospital until your contractions are 2-3 minutes apart- goodbye!". With my contractions spacing between 2-4 1/2 minutes apart, about 2:40 I said that doctor could kiss my ever lovin' butt I was going whether he liked it or NOT (we weren't in church at that time, hadn't been since a few months before he was conceived). We called everyone, packed up what was left, and went to the hospital. I was checked and asked if I knew the baby's sex which we "didn't" (had an idea but didn't know for sure), so they were talking in a "code" of sorts to avoid sharing that instead of feeling a head they were feeling testicles ;)

So I was 5 cm dialated with a baby whose feet were resting on my hip bones (basically), saying "Nope, not tonight!". After five days of being "dropped", that's what Mr Jackson decided to do. So the doctor when he come in to check me, said "your baby has decided to be difficult and is in breech position, you are going to get a c section .." then looks to the nurse to say "prep her" and walks away. Oh what support! When they pulled him out, I saw Jay's face drop, his mouth falling open. I thought it was amazement at the birth process, but found out later that Jackson's skin was SO dark (black, I caught a blip when they took him to the baby station) having been without oxygen for so long, Jay immediately thought it was possible I had cheated on him with a African American guy but come right back to his senses to realize something was wrong.

It took Jackson one and a half minutes before he cried for the first time but once the first cry come, they came in LOUD waves. The nurses later confirmed that he was a rather LOUD newborn- it sounded as of you were killing him he cried so intensely! Jay later shared that it was in that minute and a half that he prayed for the first time in months and months and months- asking God why he let us get that far to just take our baby from us, and to please save him. I, drugged at the time, did not realize what was going on and Jay was instructed NOT to tell me because of my state of being cut open and whatnot. As far as we were from God that night, it amazes me that he answered Jay's prayer, but that night he started a ministry to us that only hindsight would reveal. It would be 16 months later before we would return to church.

By all rights Jackson should have had some developmental delays with the length of time he suffered, and I give God the glory for delivering him, us, from those kinds of difficulties. He was a hard child to parent for the next six years, and I still believe God has used Jackson to prepare us for something yet to be revealed. It was only after his sixth birthday that parenting him would become easier, and it was miraculous.

On his sixth birthday, he accepted Christ as his personal Savior. So his birthday and "re-birthday", or spiritual birthday, is both on January second. That birthday was on a Sunday, and he got saved during the service at the beginning in a sunday school room. We were talking about sin on the way to church, like we always did, for months I recited Romans Road to him every Sunday night on the way to church, but this night, the lightbulb went off and the Lord might as well had been sitting there beside me telling me it was time. He was so proud he went before the church that night and professed his salvation, and te next baptismal service, February 16th, the was baptised.

Every year he asks about the story of his birth, and then he tells me about the story of his rebirth with a sparkle in his eyes.

What sweet memories.

Josiah's testimony

I have been reading through the books of Kings, and it has been quite interesting. It seems more Kings than not, "..done evil in the sight of the Lord". Today I read the most positive testimony yet from the book of Kings, and unless there's a more positive one in chapter 25 (the last, which I will read tomorrow)- it is, the most positive, God honoring testimony by a King of Israel. When we hear of people who have accomplished great things for the Lord, we think "wow, I wish God could use me ...". Ladies (and gentleman)- God CAN use you!! Don't let the enemy Satan deceive you in this matter! Seek Him, and you will find Him.

You see, Josiah was eight years old when he become King in Jerusalem. He reigned for thirty one years, so he was thirty nine when he died. He died fighting on behalf of the Lord. I can only imagine, how did Josiah, having such a wicked father in Amon, and grandfather in Manasseh (Ma-nas`-seh), turn out so godly for the Lord? One can only conclude that his mother, Jedidah (Je-di`-dah) taught him the way of the righteous. Thank God for godly mothers!

Lets see what the scriptures say about young Josiah-

2 Kings 22
1Josiah was eight years old when he began to reign, and he reigned thirty and one years in Jerusalem. And his mother's name was Jedidah, the daughter of Adaiah of Boscath.

2And he did that which was right in the sight of the LORD, and walked in all the way of David his father, and turned not aside to the right hand or to the left.

I love how God made sure to be so precise in His Word to include "... and turned not aside to the right hand or to the left.". At eight years old, this boy knew exactly what to do to please God. I bet the inhabitants of Jerusalem turned their heads to the side, puzzled, at the godliness of this young leader, knowing the wickedness that went on before him! For sake of time I'm hitting only the highlights of this story but I encourage you to read all of it from 2 Kings 22-24.

We start seeing what Josiah accomplishes for the Lord in the eighteenth year of his reign. First he restores the temple. The priests find a book of the law, brings it to him, and he learns of the wickedness of his forefathers, and is distressed. Why? Because he knows what is right. I've noticed that a big concern of godly Kings is that their country live in peace, and that they know they will die in peace. Lets see more into our story:

2 Kings 22
11And it came to pass, when the king had heard the words of the book of the law, that he rent his clothes.

13Go ye, enquire of the LORD for me, and for the people, and for all Judah, concerning the words of this book that is found: for great is the wrath of the LORD that is kindled against us, because our fathers have not hearkened unto the words of this book, to do according unto all that which is written concerning us.

{Below is the messages from the prophetess... she had just explained the wrath that wold be upon the people because of the forefather's wickedness ...)

18But to the king of Judah which sent you to enquire of the LORD, thus shall ye say to him, Thus saith the LORD God of Israel, As touching the words which thou hast heard;

19Because thine heart was tender, and thou hast humbled thyself before the LORD, when thou heardest what I spake against this place, and against the inhabitants thereof, that they should become a desolation and a curse, and hast rent thy clothes, and wept before me; I also have heard thee, saith the LORD.

20Behold therefore, I will gather thee unto thy fathers, and thou shalt be gathered into thy grave in peace; and thine eyes shall not see all the evil which I will bring upon this place. And they brought the king word again.

From that point, we see King Josiah on fire for the Lord, casting down alters to false gods, slaying the priests that had committed such abominations against the Lord- he was finally bringing Jerusalem back to its original state of righteousness, putting it back in God's will for them again. They were about to have the passover again, and it was mention that there had not BEEN a passover held (for a very long time).

chaper 23:
21And the king commanded all the people, saying, Keep the passover unto the LORD your God, as it is written in the book of this covenant.

22Surely there was not holden such a passover from the days of the judges that judged Israel, nor in all the days of the kings of Israel, nor of the kings of Judah;

Josiah, becoming a king at 8 years old, dieing at 39, had pleased the Lord. It is written:
chapter 23:
24Moreover the workers with familiar spirits, and the wizards, and the images, and the idols, and all the abominations that were spied in the land of Judah and in Jerusalem, did Josiah put away, that he might perform the words of the law which were written in the book that Hilkiah the priest found in the house of the LORD.

25And like unto him was there no king before him, that turned to the LORD with all his heart, and with all his soul, and with all his might, according to all the law of Moses; neither after him arose there any like him.

Who is Richard R. Hill?

Richard R. Hill is my brother in Christ, come to find out. Yours too, if you have been born again! I got to "meet" him while researching something for a devotional, and I found his testimony:

On Dec. 25th, 1943 I left NYC going overseas to Ireland, then to England.
Leaving New York Harbor I saw the Statue of Liberty going out of sight. I left
with a sad heart not knowing if I would ever see her again. I arrived at Port
Stewart, Ireland and moved on to England. I camped and trained in the beautiful
Nottingham Forrest for the "big night". During the six months there, I met a
girl named Joan Pilgrim. Her parents took me in and made me more comfortable
when I was so far from home. Wedding plans were discussed but God had other
plans for me. On June 5th, 1944, I was part of the D-Day invasion into Normandy.

While flying over the English Channel, I made the greatest decision of all
time -to give my life to Christ. I had always heard THE WORD during my boyhood
in Oklahoma at the old camp meetings; but, now it all came back to me and the
Holy Spirit was calling my name. In that big old C-53, I kneeled to pray. I saw
plainly the face of Christ, but His eyes were closed. I continued to pray until
...Jesus opened His eyes. I knew without any doubt that at that moment I was
forever saved. Whatever happened from then on was all in God's hands.

I encourage you to read his page. You see, Mr. Hill served our counntry in World War 2 and was a POW for a year. We should be so thankful for the sacrifice his family and he made for our country. I also encourage you to read this page about D-Day, too. You'll be blessed!

Overcoming Addiction

In 1 Corinthians, there is a verse that helped me when trying to quit smoking. You see, July 11, 2003 I put down cigarettes and never picked them up again. I made the decision to give it over to the Lord, but Satan was not going to make that an easy fight!! The Lord kept bringing me to the passage:

1 Corinthians 6:19-20
19What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?
20For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's.

I knew smoking was bad. But here, in North Carolina, my home town's name being a combination of two names of cigarette brands, yes, the home of RJReynolds, RJR being the employer that clothed me my whole life and kept a roof over my head, smoking was not quite looked at the same as in the rest of the world. So I prayed for the Lord to give me the conviction I needed to move towards making that decision. To let me know when it was "time" (because everything happens in its own season). I prayed for six months before getting to the point of setting my quit date. I even chatted nightly with members of the Kick Butt Community at iVillage.com. When I got to the point my heart ached as I was reading what these people were fighting on a daily basis to not smoke, as I was sitting at my computer smoking like I usually did, I knew it was my time to take the plunge. I got my quit counter, set my date, made my plan, and gave it to the Lord. I also done as much research as I possibly could to encourage myself of the good I was doing for my body, mind, and spirit.

I kept thinking those last nights in chat as I as smoking while chatting with the quitters, that I was choking out the holy spirit. I rememebered having the vision of being in a smoke filled room, and even as a smoker, how my lungs would feel tight as I would inhale secondhand smoke, while I was smoking, too. Then I would envision the holy spirit living within me, trying to speak to me, but not able to because it was choking on all the smoke I was sucking in. Then my flesh would rationalize things, I was a strong Christian. I knew my values, I knew my convictions. I served the Lord, I was involved in ministry. I was "good".

My friends, you only THINK you are "strong" until you face something that changes your life forever. I only THOUGHT I was "spiritual" until I quit smoking, and realized just how powerful that ADDICTION was over my body, mind, and spirit. I faced a double whammy. The chemical composition of my body is lacking the hormone serotonin, which, "TaDa", leads to depression. Chemical depression. We had no health insurance then, so I was not taking any medication to help with my chemical imbalance. That was one reason I felt so strong spiritually, because I had been handling my depression well, managing it, should I say. I felt good about things. BUT- nicotine acts as an anti depressant in the body, when taken in a pack a day (or so). So, I was chemically imbalanced, and taking away the last chemical (nicotine) that apparently was helping me to function.

I literally almost had a nervous breakdown.
I felt like Elijah in my reading today of 1 Kings-
1 Kings 19:4
4But he himself went a day's journey into the wilderness, and came and sat down under a juniper tree: and he requested for himself that he might die; and said, It is enough; now, O LORD, take away my life; for I am not better than my fathers.

But God is faithful. I had my prayer warrior friends committed to praying for me daily (you know who you are), and I held onto His promise:
Hebrews 13:5:
"Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee."

Then he brought me back to the same chapter he used to convict me in the first place:
1 Corinthians 6:12
"All things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any."

Through him, I knew I would overcome the power of my addiction. Through him, five years and one week ago, I did :o) Praise Him and may HE have the glory!

Tired of all the profanity on TV?

A guy in speaking today, done his exository speech on the effects of what kids see on TV these days- he spoke of 'cable' in specific. He explained his strict Catholic upbringing, his parents strong moral convictions, and how he some times felt like he was missing out. He then went on to say that as an adult, he grew to realize he did not miss out on anything. That as an adult who at one time cared for other's children in an after school program, how astounded he was at the lack of respect the children had for adults in charge, and the things they said their parents let them watch on TV. It was an interesting speech and he ended it with a challenge to consider what we allow our children to be exposed to, and make neccessary changes in our kid's viewing habits before it's too late.

Seeing him as a single twenty something, I applaud him for seeing the neccessity of this.

We take great concern in watching after what shows Jackson and Hannah watch, praise God they are happy with true age apropriate material, although Jackson is seeking educationally stimulating shows that are IMO beyond his years, but he loves them nonetheless. His fav show right now is "The Most Extreme", which amazes me for him to be only 7.

This is why I was shocked when I got an email from the AFA concerning Fox not using a delay on the live broadcast of the NASCAR race yesterday, resulting in the "s" word being said in front of many, many children. I thought after the Janet Jackson thing, nothing was truly live anymore but under the delay, "just in case"!

Here's the email:


File a complaint with the FCC against Fox Network for using the "s" word.

This past Sunday afternoon, Fox network broadcast the NASCAR "Food City 500" race. During the course of the race, driver Martin Truex, Jr. crashed his car after being bumped by another driver.

Fox network aired a conversation between Truex and his crew chief, Kevin Manion. During the course of the conversation, Manion told his driver, "We missed the set-up today. It (the car) was a piece of s**t.

Fox had been warned about allowing the "s" word on the air. The network could have used a delay and bleeped the profanity. But they chose not to. The network chose to air the segment live. Millions of viewers, including children, were offended by the crude profanity.

Also, please forward this to your family and friends. Together, we can make a difference!

Take Action
Here is your opportunity to make the networks more sensitive to your concern. The FCC is willing to fine the stations, but viewers must complain! Please file a complaint with the FCC against Fox stations for the broadcast of indecent language.

Click Here to File Your Formal Complaint to the FCC Now!

"What Mrs C taught me"

Almost two months ago a dear woman in my life was told she had a brain tumor. A subsequent MRI a few days later showed two tumors, that would require two different surgeries. She was healed of both, in one surgery, that was finished in less than the estimated time to remove one of the two, much less both of them. I do plan on hosting her audio testimony soon on the internet so all my net friends can hear her tell it herself. But for now, you have me. You see, this woman was Jackson's k4 teacher three years ago.

Since Jackson has been in her class, I have been in awe of how a woman can be so loved, so faithful to the Lord, and in general- so happy. She is a teacher of all the children in our small, private Christian school in one way or another.... almost daily. She is devoted in her ministries at church, from mentoring wives- being a Titus 2 woman, to teaching children in grades 1-6 bell choir.

Last August, I "bribed" my own three year old class of 18 with her presence if they behaved themselves during our "Baby Day" performance. She was so known and loved by those children, at three years old- they were absolute angels up there on the stage, and was walking off the stage confirming that "Mrs C" was gonna come sing with us. For the woman to have never worked in the nursery ministry (4 yrs and up in her "speciality", after all!)- that is one shining testimony that she touched not only the children's lives she teaches, but their families as well.

This morning I had the opportunity to share with someone what Mrs C taught me through her trial. Or should I say, what the Lord used Mrs C to teach me these past couple of months ... and now that I think about it- she doesn't even know. So here it is ...

I had a friend who recently was diagnosed with two brain tumors, had surgery, and was completely healed- all within 4 weeks from beginning of the trial to the end!! I have learned so much from that experience because I tell ya, it rocked my world.

This woman had been the glimpse of light in many dark days of mine in the last three years, and has been the ultimate role model for me. The thought of losing her made me face a LOT of fears head on. One thing that got me was she never stopped smiling- ever. (She's one of those people that has a permanent smile, you know those people? lol) She said "This is God's plan for my life, I will be just fine either way this situation works out." WHOA!!

Then the Lord showed ME- that this woman has nothing different than I have. We both have the same mustard seed of faith (and if you are born again, you have that!!)- and we both have the same capacity to use that faith. He showed me I can choose to panic, or I can choose to trust him. Then he lead me to this verse-
".... for whatsoever is not of faith is sin" -- Romans 14:23

That made me really take a step back and rethink things. He showed me through my friend that we are not called to be happy, we are called to be Godly, to become holy. My friend was not smiling all the time because she was happy she had tumors in her brain that could possibly kill her. She was happy because she didn't allow her trial to steal the joy of her salvation(-)
"Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit." - Psalm 51:12
"I will greatly rejoice in the LORD, my soul shall be joyful in my God; for he hath clothed me with the garments of salvation, he hath covered me with the robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom decketh himself with ornaments, and as a bride adorneth herself with her jewels." -- Isaiah 61:10
"Yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will joy in the God of my salvation.: Habakkuk 3:18

I'm facing a pretty stressful, trying trial right now myself, but it's so much better to be able to breathe easily knowing that the creator of the universe has his hand in my situation.

If it was not for Mrs C going through what she did, who knows how long it would have taken for me to learn this most important lesson ....

Thank you, Lord, for putting this wonderful godly woman in my life.

Encouragement through loss

My friend A posted a rememberance message on her blog this morning in honor of her baby nephew that died of SIDS one year ago today. As I read through the whole entry from last year, I was encouraged by the faith of this baby's parents. Although we are not facing the loss of a child, we are facing, or having to acknowledge, the loss of what we thought our marriage was.

That post made me think about Jay's Grandma this week, burying the second of her three children at 87 years old. As our Pastor was reading Psalm 23 during the service, Grandma sat there and recited it word for word with him. It made me ponder how anyone survives a trial, without having Christ as their Savior ... and I don't know what we would do without our church, period- and we've never experienced a loss such as above, but God continually uses our church to encourage us, as they have this week.

Here is an exerpt from a post I wrote somewhere else this week:
"Our pastor done the service, and our asst pastor (our SS teacher) come with him. The service was beautiful, Pastor gave the gospel in such a pure manner, extremely tactful for the situation, but as plain as day. So loving. Man, it was such a blessing. of course, I knew it would be for us, cause this is the man who led Jay and I to the Lord. Anything he says is a blessing for us because we know he has a heart of gold.

So I asked my SIL (the one I'm close with) what she thought and she expressed the same thoughts, and said her H (who has been struggling severely with faith the past couple of years) went on and on and on about him last night [Tuesday, the night of the viewing.]. Pastor attended the viewing last night and apparently spent quite a bit of time with BIL last night. SIL said BIL said if they didn't live so far away they'd start coming to our church :)

Then Jay said his other brother and sister (ones we have not seen, well, I just met the brother for the first time sunday night and his sister a couple of times about 6 years ago); both of them expressed feelings of great appreciation for what our church has done and how impressed they were with Pastor, naming a variety of things from how well he remembered names to his concern for people he doesn't know.

My heart is so touched that our church could be such a strong witness to Jay's family. Throughout the ten years Jay and I have been together, the idea of even meeting these people was so far fetched. Even when Jay and his dad reconciled earlier this year, I would have never thought of sharing a meal with his half siblings, and acting like a "real" family. Since his dad died Sunday, every bit of that has changed. We are even making plans for Thanksgiving now."

PTL