Gratituesday 3-17

Last week, I learned on Tuesday morning that a sweet friend had passed on. I learned two weeks too late. I was not able to go to the funeral, comfort her family, look at her one last time. This time last year I was in "babyland", with Jordan here with me. Last year, last Spring, Jordan died at 6 weeks old, four days after our Spring revival on April 14th. I remember telling a friend at church Sunday- week ago how weary and odd I felt at the thought of having revival-at church. It was a month early according to the calendar, but for me, it took me right back to the thoughts and events that was going on the week before Jordan died. What a precious time that was with him. We had FINALLY found a nipple that he liked and nursed well from his bottle without struggling- that was a 2-3 week experiment in and of itsself.

As I was telling my friend how I was feeling, I said I felt as if, even though it was a year later- I was still waiting for the next shoe to drop. I still felt on pins and needles. I felt as if my pain was not over yet, and I was guilting myself because come on, it's been a year- lets feel better already! But that's the thing with grief. Grief has no timeline. I know this because seven years later- I know I am still grieving my grandmother. I cannot honestly tell you which pain has been worse, losing her, or losing Jordan. Really- I'd have to say her. I had my whole life with her. She was like my best friend. She was really the only grandparent I had growing up. But that's not here nor there, both hurt, tremendously.

My point- grief has no time frame, it is what it is, until it is, no more.

But then I go and open my email two days later after sharing how I was feeling with my friend, to have a new wave of grief staring me right in the eye. I could not believe what I read. One line. That was it. One line and my friend was gone- away- forever- to never see her again. Just like Jordan, last year. You know at least with grandma, she had been sick for a while. She was in the hospital for about two weeks before she passed. We were expecting it. She had lived a long, full life, she was ready for glory. My friend was 35 years old, Jordan was six weeks old. Death knows no age.

The bible says-
Psalm 118:1
"O give thanks unto the LORD; for he is good: because his mercy endureth for ever."

1 Thessalonians 5:18
"In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you."

Isaiah 61:10
"I will greatly rejoice in the LORD, my soul shall be joyful in my God; for he hath clothed me with the garments of salvation, he hath covered me with the robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom decketh himself with ornaments, and as a bride adorneth herself with her jewels."

Philippians 4:4
"Rejoice in the Lord always: and again I say, Rejoice."

My grandmother was saved. My friend was saved. Both of them knew Christ as their Savior. Both of them are with the Lord right now, as well as Jordan. Sheila is up there right now probably rocking him and spoiling him rotten, as they sit by Jesus' feet. It took me months to get up after we lost Jordan, but I don't think Sheila would appreciate that or want that for me. I'm thankful that I can find out when I get there, why the Lord brought Sheila and Jordan home so early in their lives. I'm thankful for the knowledge of knowing for a fact where they are right now.

I cannot imagine the helplessness of not knowing where one of my loved ones are after death, and one of them might actually read this, who knows. If they do, I want them to know I love and care about them and want them to know where they are spending eternity. If anything, I want them to ponder the thought of what their loved ones will be thinking after their death- and maybe that would have them consider the idea that if they know they are going to heaven through the sacrifice of Christ on the cross, then their loved ones will know that as well because the change in their life will be that noticeable. Salvation is first and foremost about our own salvation, but lately I've pondered the thought, it's about your loved ones peace as well after you have left this world and left everyone else here to grieve over you.

Why Lord?

I just received an email, Sheila, one of my very first online buddies-turned-IRL friends, went home to be with the Lord the night of February 22nd. She died in her sleep. One of her co workers just went through her emails at her work address this morning replying to everything with the news. I looked up her obituary and it shared no information, really. two lines.

I'm personally floored as I counted Sheila as a good friend. I've known her since I was pregnant with Hannah (eight years). We met during a staff chat for iVillage.com- both of us were community leaders for one of the parenting boards then. The first night we were both in the room and realized we lived two hours from each other we were insant buddies.

She has been to my home, been to my church ... My family has spent time with her and her family; through last year as she had appointments in my city we would meet for lunch. When Jordan died she was here in a heartbeat and met B and me for lunch. She was a dear friend and will be greatly missed :.....o(

The thing is, the past few months we only shared quick, non lengthy emails- just enough to check in. I happened to look on the board where we met that I used to lead, and noticed a post from her (she rarely posted, if ever, in the past year there) ... her last post was the 19th, three days before she passed. She didn't say much, only that they had just had to put their oldest daughter in a girl's home. Needless to say- their family was already under a great deal of trials. They need a lot of prayer.

She posted because one of the current leaders had noticed her "last visit" date was recent, and had posted a shout out to her and she replied. She would not have posted then if she was not posted "to" in the first place. Amazing, that I even happened to be on that board to see that last week.

Last year, Spring revival was great. It was a wonderful revival- last year it was in April. The last night I had got to bring Jordan to church with me that Wednesday. The following Monday we lost him. Now this year, we're not even through with revival and I feel like I'm back to square one- losing a loved one all over again! Why, Lord? I've always remembered that if you don't learn the lessons God is trying to teach you, He will bring you full circle back to the same thing until you "get" what He's trying to teach you.

What did I miss last year?

In reality I know Sheila's death is not about me. I realize that. But it affects me. I know she was saved. She might not had been walking close with the Lord, but her salvation I do not doubt. I know she's with the Lord. Thing is, she was only 35 years old! Again, death knows no age! She left a 17 year old daughter, a 12 year old daughter and a 8 year old son. and a husband.

I'm just so sad ...

Happy Birthday Jordan

A year ago today, a sweet little bundle of joy come into our life. He was our great nephew #2, Jordan. I was already babysitting his big brother Braden full+ time. I was back in "toddlerland", well on my way back to "babyland". The house was babyproofed, we were stocked up with Cheerios and Goldfish crackers. We had a toybox in each room of the house, Braden had his own cabinet in the kitchen to plunder through. Due to mom being on maternity leave, Braden's paternal grandma volunteered to keep him part time while mom adjusted to "life with infant".


Three weeks later Jordan would join us full time as mom went back to work. Being an assistant convenience store manager, 70 hour weeks was not uncommon to us. The first day back, my having both of the boys while the kids were at school, while they were both napping, I fell off our back steps spraining my ankle. It was rough, thank the Lord the boys were asleep! A friend brought the kids home and mom come to get the boys a few hours later. It was agreed that paternal grandmother would keep Braden while my ankle healed.

Without having a distraction of toddler-like proportions, I was literally back in babyland. It was me and Jordan. Since mom opened the store most mornings, she would drop him off around 4:30 every morning. She had her own key so she would leave the sleeping bundle of preciousness in our bedroom so I would hear his little squeaks easier as he was a very quiet baby. Usually he would wake within the hour of his arrival. He had his own portabed, bouncyseat, and I even had an exersaucer for when he got bigger. I was so proud of mom pumping when she was away, she done her best- even fighting a case of mastitis that led to us supplementing with formula.


I was back to the whole routine that fit so well for me with my own two. Eat, burp, play, sleep. He was such a little guy. Hannah was petite for a girl, but Jordan was a lil fella, like a lil peanut. We were so in sync I could look at his face and tell you what he was up to- sleepy, hungry, gas, etc .. The most precious moments were him laying in the floor beside me as I would fold clothes. I loved watching him learn to focus on my face, learn how to toss his arms back and forth, and kick those legs. It seemed to take him longer to do those things than Hannah and Jackson, so it seemed that I found myself watching him closer.

Picking up the kids from school was fun. The both looked so forward to getting in the car and talking to him on the way home. Jackson had no problem playing the "entertainer". They both had been missing Braden anyway- so the baby was a nice distraction for them. We were all ready for Braden to come back as we noticed my ankle healing.


Friday, April 11th, I had plans to go to a local theater with my aunt as free tickets had fell in our laps. I had picked up my dad from work and brought him back to the house because Jordan's mom (our neice, Brandy) could take him home on her way home, after picking up the baby that evening. She had not gotten there when it was time for me to leave right after supper, so I leaned over and kissed lil bit on the top of his soft- almost bald head and told him I would see him Monday, as mom was supposed to have the weekend off.

Little did I know ....


Monday morning I woke on my own about 7:45. I got up and walked through the house to get my coffee started, and spoke to Jay. That night I had had a horrible, HORRIBLE feeling dream. I mentioned it as I was going back in the bedroom to Jay. My dream was more about a distinct feeling rather than a vivid memory of the visual.

I remember it being as if, in my sleep, I was physically feeling like every nerve in my body was being electrocuted on a low wattage, just enough for you to be alert enough to know something is WRONG. I remember screaming to whoever would listen in my dream, that something BAD was about to happen- that I did not know what it was, but it was happening SOON and it was very, Very, VERY bad. It was one of those dreams where you wake up the next morning thinking "Oh man, I'm so tired..." cause the dream took so much energy from you. very intense.

Jay's phone rang about 8:10. I remember sitting on the bed and him coming in the room saying "it's your sister, it's not good, do you want to talk to her?", I told him to tell her I'd call her back, because I knew I can handle bad news coming from Jay better than her. Brandy woke up that morning to start getting ready for work as she had a mid shift that day. Jordan had a restless night, and she had him sleeping on his side in the bed with her. She went to wake him up, to find that sometime between 4am and then, he had died in his sleep. His face was blue.


Final verdict was accidental death. His head had turned down, causing his trachea to bend over like a straw, because infants do not have the cartilage around their windpipes to protect that from happening. His neck muscles were not strong enough for him to lift his head up for him to be able to get air. By far, that ranks way up there with the "worst days of my life".

to be continued ...

The first thing I ever made in Photoshop (and not a reflection of things I'm doing now, lol)

Finding perspective

I woke up with such happy news. My BFF had called to let me know that in the past six days since we've spoke, she found a house and purchased it. Not just any house, but a really AWESOME house, perfectly fit for her growing family for some $30k LESS than the asking price. That, my friends, is a happy wake up call.


Then J had some not so good news ... that explains the prayer warrior comment on my Facebook page. I won't say anything about it, but the Lord knows what it is and that's most important. If you're the praying type, this situation needs prayer. Big time. I will say, a big component is someone needs salvation. If that happened, the situation would be much better. But the prayers said this morning helped, so for those who saw the comment and did pray, thank you from the bottom of my heart.


So I get up while talking to my BFF on the phone, make me some coffee, we get off the phone and I do my bible reading. The day, while rocky with the not so good news- was still in the positive because I'm so happy for my BFF and her awesome new house. After reading I get online, and catch up on posts at the Frugal Kitchen. Then I check in at the staff board to find the news ...


One of my online friends' baby has had cancer for the past year. He turned 2 in September. (See his pics) He was dx'd this time last year. Things were looking so positive just two weeks ago, but, it happened. The cancer is back, and it is here .. to stay. For my new friends who might not know, my great nephew passed in his sleep in April at seven weeks. I watched him while his mom worked from 3 weeks, had him anywhere from 60-70 hours a week. It has been a HARD year, very emotional, and really- just in the past couple of months have I allowed myself to start processing it.

This year, I got to know a little baby named Gracie, who was basically born with half of a heart. She went home to be with the Lord in October. Through her mother's posting, I have found a lot of healing in regards to the spiritual perspective of losing an infant. I've also been dealing with a lot of guilt that, this mother had to watch her child fight for her life for eight months, and bury her, for me to findthe healing I need through her testimony in how she handled it all.

However, it is NOT FAIR. I'm an emotional rollar coaster right now. Parents should NOT have to bury their children. Babies should NOT be buried. I read my friend's site, and see how they're planning her ds's life celebration, and just think- parents should NOT have to do this. It's NOT FAIR. YES I'm upset! Babies should not have cancer! Or should they? What is really better? For him to grow up and possibly never know the Lord personally, and face death then, or face it at two years old and go straight into the arms of Jesus?

Really. How do you put death into perspective? How do you keep your heart from breaking thinking about losing an infant or child? How do you put into perspective that a parent must worry about their child's pain level? Why does this have to happen? Will it really make sense when I get to heaven and ask the Lord about it?

I think I need to go reread my post about Amanda's wisdom again. Oh, that reminds me. I forgot to ost it here. I meant to, really. I promise. As a matter of fact, I'm going to go get it and post it before this post.

Happy? Birthday ^Baby^

Tuesday, May 8th, 2007, 5:08 pm

I was up until 6am this morning. I was here on the board reading and responding to a thread until 4:30am, when I realized "crap, it's 4:30". So I tried to go to sleep, and was sooooo restless. I took some benedryl, and knocked out. Jay woke me up this morning to communicate his morning plans because he left today to work out of town. In the middle of it all the school called and Hannah was with fever and throwing up. He went and got her. He shared the suprise he found when going to rent a car for his trp, that our car insurance was cancelled. He had to fix that this morning. Bless his heart.

So I wake up as he leaves for his trip, I dunno, 1 or so. I get up and come to the board to finish reading the thread I was reading cause last night I was enjoying it. Two hours ago, my mood started to change. As I started writing out a reply I never thought I would be writing, my neurotic tendancy to look at details, as I mentioned my CL anniversery ... I went to be sure I remembered the exact day. I know it's May, but I have a lot of May events happening and fr anyone who knows me, knows most of the time I remember nothing.

Okay, so my anniversery is the 21st ... I look at the date (cause with my being out of work, the date has to be sought) ... it's the 8th.

If cancer had not taken ^Temone's^ life, he would have turned 13 years old today. and Hannah's home. She's not suposed to be here yet. I'm a wreck. She cannot see me cry, because if she does, she'll want to talk about it. I don't have the energy to talk about it. I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest ... again.

Not to mention, we just found out last week that Tiffany, MIL's dog, Temone "wife" if you will (they did have 5 puppies together ;), her cancer has come back. But she has lymphoma, treatable with chemo, so they're starting her treatments again. Since the last bout she goes in every month for a checkup. It still doesn't make things easier.

Humans are so much easier to grieve for :.....o(

So Happy Birthday ^Moni^, and thank God for grandpuppies ... that stay in the family.

Peeping in

Sunday, April 15th, 2007, 10:36 pm


A friend asked me how I was. Honestly? I am so not fine. I miss my baby so much. There are so many "firsts" we've yet to encounter, but the ones we have have been so overwhelming at times. Yesterday was the first time I was at Target and passed the dog isle ... and did not have a reason to go down it. I almost had an anxiety attack there in the store, but calmed myself down enough to get to the back corner of the store and just cry a few minutes.

Everytime I visit my parents, I want to hold onto TJ (their dog, Temone's son) for dear life. I'm freaking him out. He keeps looking at the door like Jay's going to come in with Temone, too. I have to force myself to call him the right name, otherwise I'm calling him 'Moni', which I have NEVER done before.

Last week was our first holiday without him. We had family over, he would had been permanently planted in either mine or my mom's lap the whole time to avoid the "foot traffic".

and I've been sick the past few days. It's just going from one ailment to the next. This is the first time I've been home from work sick ... without having him to cuddle with. I've managed to sleep, but when I'm on the couch sick, he would pay special attention to cuddle with me, like he knew I felt bad. (I'm still feeling bad!)

That's my quick update. Guess that was more than what you were looking for, huh? I dont want to have a depressing blog, but, such is me right now :( Thank you SO much for all of your support and kind words, it really means so much to me. It means a lot to know there are people thinking about us and care about how we're doing, from the comments in my last post to those checking in on my wall, I feel fortunate to have such a network here (((group hug))))

He's gone ....

Wednesday, April 4th, 2007, 1:26 pm


I come home from lunch yesterday to check on him. While I was here, he sneezed a few time sin a row and apparently bust a vessel in his left nasal passage. Blood was everywhere it seemed (around him, you know how when animals sneeze, the 'sneeze' goes in all directions.). His nose was bleeding pretty heavy (to me) and I had Jay call MIL, who in turn started calling our vet (P) and the specialist's office. (I did get the bleeding to stop.) Records were found there (at the specialist) and addt'l info was faxed from P's office, and the specialist said that his cancer was squamous carcinoma, the abolsute WORST kind of cancer in dogs, and they would not even treat it because the measures were too drastic.

She said that if they were to try to treat him, he would have to have three different surgeries, a round of chemo, and a round of radiation, and with that, they would give a 25% chance his life would be expanded by 30-60 DAYS.

P said that the best thing we could do for him was to bring him in last night and put him to sleep ... for good. So we did. He's gone. Monday night I prayed at revival for the Lord to give us the wisdom to know when to say when. Our prayer was answered in less than 24 hours, praise him. I don't want to talk about it any more quite yet but I wanted everyone to have an update. My boss let me have today off to 'get it all out', I'm so fortunate to have her as my boss, she's so compassionate. If you don't see me around the boards for the rest of the week, please understand why. I'm just trying to process it right now :...o(

Temone's Test Results

Monday, April 2nd, 2007, 7:17 am
It's cancer ...

Oy am I a bad blogger!! (update)

How quick does a week pass by when you have other things demanding your attention!! It has been a week since I even posted!! As you can see though I have managed to add my weight loss ticker to the top here, so each time I visit my own blog (which, of course I double check every post, LOL) Ill have to look at my progress, good or bad.

This week was a good week, though, according to my scales. It may have something to do with the .3 mile I have to walk TO campus, then again, FROM campus from my parking spot. Not to mention hopping from building to building, going up and down the stairs with a 30 lb book bag! I took a picture on the first day of what my walk looks like, but I believe I will take another one tomorrow from my more accurate parking space, a bit further away than the first day. One lot, to be exact.

My classes seem to be great. My most challenging one is Algebra simply because the girls that sit around me talk endlessly during the homework time, and it's distracting to me. Other than that, it's grreeaaatt! Two quotes from me teachers this week that got me tickled:

One teacher noticed as he was handing out syllabuses that the back row was completely full. He says "Ahhhh, just like the back row of a Baptist church, chock full. I might as well move all of you up to the front!", which cracked me up as I was sitting at the same angle from his lectern as I do from my pastor, on front row, when I'm in church, LOL!!!

Then another teacher, while explaining her cell phone policy, gave a very vivid example. Her policy is simple, keep it turned off or on vibrate, and leave the room before answering as to not distract anyone around you. She says "Imagine you are in church- sitting beside your mother.... Imagine the FIT she would pitch, if your cell phone rang during church. Now multiply that TIMES TEN and that's what you'll have from me if your phone rings in MY class!" LMBO!!!

I thought those were pretty good.

One highlight of the week was my PC class, called "Basic PC Literacy". I'm not sure what I was expecting except that I knew I'd pass no doubts there. I remember thinking as I looked through the catalog, how I wished there was a class that covered Microsoft programs, especially the Office suite cause I've always wanted to master that. Guess what we're covering in my PC class? You got it! MS Office! That's the ONLY thing we're doing! First Word, then Excel, then Access, then PowerPoint! Woo-Hoo!!! This is gonna be fun :)

I've had this abnormal drive for organization this past week. Should I say, I remember back when I was nesting before I had Jackson (7 years ago), how organized I was. How routine I was. How at peace I was with my surroundings. Slowly but surly, that's all coming back now! It's like second nature for some reason for me to clean the kitchen in the evenings! How weird is that? I mean I have tried to attempt organization for years but always fail, but now it just seems to be effortlessly happening! I'm not gonna argue- just be thankful.

My biggest challenge is the kids. Hannah is at her all time worse. I am trying my best to figure out what in the world has gotten into her. She does not listen to a thing I say!! One minute she can be just as loving as she can be, then you ask her to do something and she just looks at you like you're crazy and she does the opposite. She's doing her best to drive Jackson nuts- which brings open another can of worms, because he doesn't respond in the manner in which he should. You'd think they were about to kill each other or something. They've become stumbling blocks for each other!! Lord please have mercy on me!! I'm hoping once we get more routine, both of them will calm down.

Poor Jackson, he's sick. He has a cold or something. He's been coughing since last Friday, and this morning he got up with a fever of 100.1. So we ended up keeping him out of school. The fever broke about 10:30-11am, so we got ready and went to lunch at Hannah's new favorite place, "Bernie's". Hannah teases Jackson because he never gets to go, because they close at 2pm. Hannah and I eat there for breakfast, or have been since Wednesday ;o) So I figured I would take advantage of the fact I had Jackson at home and we went.

Dad walks up there every morning, eats breakfast, sits and chats with all his buddies who go in to do the same thing, lol. It's just a locally owned little restaurant that's been there for 30 years. (Its .4 mile away from mom and dad’s house.) They've changed ownerships a few times, but all the owners have kept the same name so they're "grandfathered" in with the old laws. So Hannah and I have been going up there and eating breakfast, picking up dad and taking him home, and leaving Hannah with them while I'm at school. (Right now mom and dad are watching Hannah while I'm in school, until her spot comes open in the subsidy program).

After we finished eating, mom and dad walked in, go figure ;o) they weren't supposed to get home that soon! I had called dad before we left and he said they were at the eye doctor, which is 15 miles away from them! I was planning on taking the kids back to their house and baking cupcakes for mom's birthday, which was today :p We did that anyways, and all was well. The cupcakes were good, too. Hannah helped make them, and Jackson (along with Hannah) helped decorate them.

Gracious how do you get these kids to go to bed and stay?! I have fought Hannah for over an HOUR to stay in bed and go to sleep. After 15 minutes or so of silence I go to check to be sure she's out (you know how you just like looking at them asleep? They are so peaceful, like lil angels ... yeh right) and she's laying there wide awake messing with her blanket!! Jackson's fever is coming back :o( (it's 9pm, I've been typing over 30 minutes between getting up and down, etc...) Poor guy. He's going to bed like he's going to school in the morning, little does he know. Uhg. We don't have the money to take him to the dr!! That’s another vent for another day.

I had the weirdest dream the other night. My grandmother passed away 3.5 years ago. We were fiercely close, and I grieved extremely hard for her, worse than any other person in my life that's ever died. The other night, I dreamed the whole family was supposed to get together for a meal. That's ODD in its self because we just don't do that anymore.

But when I arrived, my gma was there ... alive. She looked great, years younger than she was when she died, and before the light dementia had kicked in. I just freaked out. The best I can remember, my response was "why NOW?" like, why come back NOW, after I have grieved for so hard for so long. Why ARE you coming back? What's the purpose of coming back? The thing was, there wasn't a question about 'how' she come back. I remember part of my dream I was talking to my sister in law and saying, "if Jesus brought Lazarus back thousands of years ago, then of course he can bring my grandma back now"-- but in the latter part of my dream, I remember having doubt of WHO brought her back. Whether she returned because the Lord was sending her back to me, or it was Satan and everything was a ruse.

It was a really weird dream. I remember wanting to just fall into her arms and hold her like I did before, but my doubts and anger kept me from doing so.

I had another similar dream about my best friend who died when I was 14, too. That dream come about a number of years after her death. I dreamed then that she come back, but I found that she was never dead to begin with, that her death had been faked. I remember rejecting her in my dream, having the same kind of anger I had in this recent dream with gma.

I wonder what all of this is supposed to represent.

Well, if anything that'll give y'all something to chew on ;o)
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Take Care!!

Encouragement through loss

My friend A posted a rememberance message on her blog this morning in honor of her baby nephew that died of SIDS one year ago today. As I read through the whole entry from last year, I was encouraged by the faith of this baby's parents. Although we are not facing the loss of a child, we are facing, or having to acknowledge, the loss of what we thought our marriage was.

That post made me think about Jay's Grandma this week, burying the second of her three children at 87 years old. As our Pastor was reading Psalm 23 during the service, Grandma sat there and recited it word for word with him. It made me ponder how anyone survives a trial, without having Christ as their Savior ... and I don't know what we would do without our church, period- and we've never experienced a loss such as above, but God continually uses our church to encourage us, as they have this week.

Here is an exerpt from a post I wrote somewhere else this week:
"Our pastor done the service, and our asst pastor (our SS teacher) come with him. The service was beautiful, Pastor gave the gospel in such a pure manner, extremely tactful for the situation, but as plain as day. So loving. Man, it was such a blessing. of course, I knew it would be for us, cause this is the man who led Jay and I to the Lord. Anything he says is a blessing for us because we know he has a heart of gold.

So I asked my SIL (the one I'm close with) what she thought and she expressed the same thoughts, and said her H (who has been struggling severely with faith the past couple of years) went on and on and on about him last night [Tuesday, the night of the viewing.]. Pastor attended the viewing last night and apparently spent quite a bit of time with BIL last night. SIL said BIL said if they didn't live so far away they'd start coming to our church :)

Then Jay said his other brother and sister (ones we have not seen, well, I just met the brother for the first time sunday night and his sister a couple of times about 6 years ago); both of them expressed feelings of great appreciation for what our church has done and how impressed they were with Pastor, naming a variety of things from how well he remembered names to his concern for people he doesn't know.

My heart is so touched that our church could be such a strong witness to Jay's family. Throughout the ten years Jay and I have been together, the idea of even meeting these people was so far fetched. Even when Jay and his dad reconciled earlier this year, I would have never thought of sharing a meal with his half siblings, and acting like a "real" family. Since his dad died Sunday, every bit of that has changed. We are even making plans for Thanksgiving now."

PTL

Jay's father died

They just mended their relationship this year. We knew he was not doing well, as far as his overall health, but his death was sudden, really. He had fluid built up on his lungs, and was admitted to the hospital yesterday. When they intubated him, his heart just gave out. Three of his four arteries were hardening, so his heart was already working overtime. Based on his life testimony, he was not a saved man :( He left six children, Jay, his brother, and their four half siblings. Please pray for Jay as he deals with all of this, that we can be a witness to his family, and for Jackson. Jackson had only met Jay's dad three times in his life, but Jackson spoke very fondly of his "farmer paw-paw" (he lived on a farm, beside a popcorn field, a kid's dream). We haven't told Jackson yet. Not sure how we will, really....