Modern Family - Homeschooling Funny

This clip happened earlier this season. Since this is our first year homeschooling, I laughed SO hard...

5 Reasons People "Unfriend" You on Facebook

This is good for a laugh, but has at least a smidgen of truth in it, too, I believe. What do you think?

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Why did the chicken cross the road?

SARAH PALIN : The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he's a maverick!

BARACK OBAMA : The chicken crossed the road because it was time forchange ! The chicken wanted change !  

JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON : When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.

GEORGE W. BUSH : We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY : Where's my gun?

COLIN POWELL : Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

BILL CLINTON : I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY : Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON : Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

DR. PHIL : The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE : That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty ! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN : To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART : No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS : Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY : To die in the rain, alone.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS : Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE : It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES : I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2008. This new platform is much more stable and will never reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN : Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS : Did I miss one?

"Smooth move, mom!"

So we're on the way to school, on the highway, and the car in front of us was washing their windshield. They were sending a light spray of water onto our windshield in the process. This highlights how dirty our windshield is, so I decide to was ours.

So do you know right offhand what happens when it is freezing outside, you're going 65MPH down the interstate, and you spritz water onto your windshield?

Yeh, I didn't consider that, either. But ain't it pretty?

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Stamp Malfunction

Stamp Malfunction:
The Postal service created a new stamp with a picture of President Obama on it. The Postal service noticed that the stamp was not sticking to envelopes. This enraged the President, who demanded a full investigation. After a month of testing and 1.73 million in Congressional spending, a special Presidential commission presented the following findings:

1. The stamp was in perfect order.
2. There is nothing wrong with the glue.
3. People were spitting on the wrong side.

(LOL!!)

Things kids say ...

Last night Hannah didn't know where her Christmas dress was 30 minutes before we were to leave for church. The children's Chirstmas play was last night and they were in it. Jay said "c'mon Hannah / everyone just settle down and I'll help her find it" as they're walking towards her room. Out of my earshot Hannah says to Jay "SHE'S the one who needs to settle down..." LOL!! (It was true)

The other day it was cold and rainy. Jackson got all reflective as we were riding down the road talking about the weather. He says "I don't like the cold, and being wet. It makes me sad."

He has not worn dress clothes in two years. Last Saturday his best friend spent the night. Sunday I brought in dress clothes for him because his friend had brought dress clothes for church. After he was ready I ask him if he had done ... something (don't remember) and he throws his arms out and says "Mom!" looks down at his shoes and back up, then says "Froo-Froo!" hehe- he calls dressing up getting all "froo-froo". That's my boy.

Stats about me

from a Facebook application:

You have 311 friends, 191 more than average. 26% are male, 74% are female. 41 are single, 201 are dating or married. If you contracted a deadly variant of flu, you would likely infect 11 people, 1 of whom would die. If you died today, an estimated 456 people would try to attend your funeral. Based on your Facebook profile, you have a 91% probability of getting married. You are likely to earn US$2.7 million and have 2.3 children over your lifetime.

Someone better tell Jay about me getting married, he might wanna know about that ;o)

Jackson strikes again!

"Mom, what do you call it when you put corn on a swan's head?"

:: I have a confused look on my face ::

"Corn on the cob!"

:: I look at him like he has a third eye ::

"MooOOoommm!! A male swan is called a COB. It has CORN on his head, GET IT?"

with this "duuuhh" look on his face.

I ruined it. Sorry bud, mom's just not that smart.

Kitchen conversations epi 1

Hannah: "Mommy!!! I don't WANT vegetables in my chicken!!"

Jackson (as he is standing at the stove stirring the stiry fry): "Hannah don't you want to be healthy? You're gonna get the FLU and be out of school for two months. Then you're gonna have to make up ALL that work!"

:: I snort ::

Jackson: "Whuut? I'm trying to act more like a father ..."

:: I am trying not to lose it, as I'm headed to the bedroom to post this ::

Jackson from the kitchen across the house: "I AM going to be in COLLEGE in eight years ya know!"

Things that'll make you laugh

The child age structure is very interesting in our family. My sister the eldest, me the youngest by 12 1/2 years. When her first was born, I was 11. When her second was born, I was 12. Her first was 10 when her third was born. Are you still with me?

When her youngest was 2 1/2, Jackson was born, then Hannah 3 years later. When Hannah was four, my sister's first grandchild, Braden, was born via her oldest. Not two years later, here come ^Jordan^, her second. So the grandchildren in our family literally look like steps that would work out the glutes!

We don't get to see #3, Jonathan (12 years old) a lot. It's probably been four months since he's been over here. I've seen him a couple of times in recent weeks but the kid's haven't. Jackson and Hannah are very excited when they get to spend time together. He come over while sis was at work Tuesday. Bless his heart, he had a bike accident earlier in the day and REALLY scuffed up his elbow, knee, and the palm of one hand. I was changing the bandage on his knee, finished, and went to start on his elbow. I told him to stand up so he could turn his arm around under the light ....

He says "Wow you're getting short!"

Blogging Comics- too funny

Such will be my life in a couple of years ;o)

Don't I wish!!

*snurk*

Gratituesday 5-12

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thankful for using the #gratituesday hashtag!!

This week, I just had to share this with you. This is so cute. It's an email from Jackson's teacher the day before their big field trip last week. I know with differing screen resolutions and browser settings text shows up different on each person's screen, so this makes it all the more funny to me, LOL

Talk about a teacher being organized and getting her point across! :p
I'm SO grateful for this woman, really. It's been two weeks and she's already been such a blessing to us.

Parenting "Fail"

Happy Saturday!


Parenting Fail - Click here for the funniest movie of the week

Wordless Wednesday: hurricane Hannah

Tim Hawkins comedy

I saw this guy on Jennifer's blog earlier, posted a couple videos on my FB page, then my FB friends went and found more. This had me in TEARS just now, hope you enjoy it just as much *g*

Smarty Pants Dance

This is just too cute ...


Cute Smart Girl - Click here for more blooper videos

and it hasn't happened here yet!

Joanne shared her most recent "moment with a boy", LOL ahhh the way those male minds work, so practical at times but abstract to the female thought process! One day, this will be my boy in our livingroom :p However, Jackson does go grab his gun to get the funnel web spiders away from the fornt door ;o)

Funny Commercials

I LOL'd so hard when I saw this commercial, the sarcasm is just too much :p



and I see my E-trade baby is back with another commercial (LOVE him! lol)-
I was asleep during the Superbowl (Jay DVR'd it so we could watch it after church)-
I'm guessing the new ones aired first Sunday?

Life

Categories pertaining to the "Life of CalvaryGirl"

Always check your child's homework!

Each day we do the homework dance ... Jackson seems to have a LOT of homework most days, but in perspective he's been out of school more than usual for him this year, so he's been dealing with a lot of makeup work. We' ve been getting quite frustrated with it, all the checking, filtering through progress reports to see what's missing, him forgetting stuff at school, etc ...

Then my husband ... and his sense of humor ... ;)
just sent me this email:

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Title: "Always check your child's homework!"

Body:

"Note sent the next school day with 1st grader...

Dear Ms Davis,
That is not a dance pole on stage in a strip joint! ...I work at Home Depot, ...that's me selling a shovel.
Mrs. Smith"

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

LOL!!!